


It's Never Been So Easy

by isabelbarret



Series: It's Never Been So Easy [1]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Getting Together, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 07:55:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6321274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isabelbarret/pseuds/isabelbarret
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack nodded thinking about the folder he already hid in his underwear drawer. A name without a face, yet already somehow means all the world to him. Jack wonders if he’ll want to do everything with Eric Bittle. </p><p> </p><p>A Soulmate AU where only one person gets to know the name of their Soulmate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!  
> This is my first fic i've written in abut two years so I hopes it's okay. sorry for any grammar errors i tried to catch them all but incase i didn't catch some. 
> 
> This is a soulmate au where one person gets a folder with their soulmates name inside and they have to go find that person. This first chapter is told from Jack's perspective, so it does reference the overdose several times.

Sometimes he tries to remember what it was like to be a kid. In a time before he really understood how the world can move and shift around you, leaving you completely unprepared. Once the beauty of childhood is over it’s like it's gone forever. Of course there is still bits and pieces that he remembers though the appear faded and distant. Getting his hair cut once when it was particularly long, a whole summer that he spent floating around in the pool, the day he broke his big toy. There still there, broken up and spread across his mind like islands in the oceans. 

After the overdose all the days felt much clearer. Not at first when his mind was still tangled up in a bunch of little knots. But latter when those knots began to loosen and the world suddenly felt more real than he could ever remember it feeling before. With everything washed out of his system the world was more tangible, often painfully so. 

There was a few days he could really remember before the overdose. Everything tended to blend together in this stress induced fever. The day he got his soulmate was a strong crisp memory, wrapped up in haziness like a birthday present. 

It was the first sunny day in what felt like weeks, clouds still hanging around the edges. It was a Saturday and his birthday had passed not only three days earlier. He was wearing a new blue jacket that was so soft inside that he wanted to be buried in it. Kent was standing next to him, swaying back from foot to foot. He was absorbed into animatedly typing out something on his phone. Jack didn’t really mind, if anything it was nice to take the edge off of Kent's often intense attention. 

Jack wasn’t quite sure how Kent convinced him he needed company on this adventure. Learning who your soulmate is isn’t really an outing you invite a friend to. Specially if that friend and you do very unfriend like things together. Only latter would Jack ever ponder all the confidence Kent had, all boldness that lead him to come with Jack. He hadn't loved Kent though back then he rarely thought about things like that. Maybe Kent coming with him had been a sign that he didn’t know he was supposed to be watching for.

“Well Zimms, you going to go in?” Kent asked finally looking up from his phone. Jack let out a long humming sound in response. Kent only shrugged back at him before once again letting his phone absorb him. “See you on the other side.” 

Jack let that be his send off, walking into the one story building. The lights inside were overly bright and fluorescent. He got in line behind a tall woman with sandy blond hair tied up tight on the top of her head. She was rocking back and forth like she didn't know how to stand still. Jack understood that, he didn’t really know how to stand still either.

The lady sitting behind the front desk was wearing a bright orange cardigan that he didn’t think could look flattering on anyone. Under the fluorescent light it looked absolutely sickening. 

“Name?” She asked, Jack hadn't even noticed that the blonde haired woman had walked off. 

“Jack Zimmermann,” his name came out stuttery and it felt like his throat was closing up. He tapped his fingers against his leg almost absentmindedly. The woman typed away at the computer, her long nails clicking against the keyboard. In school they had learned that before the computers with the data of everyone's name they used to keep everything on paper and would send it from city depending on where you moved. And before that the collectors had held offices all around the world where people would travel miles to see of the could find their soulmate. 

“Mr Zimmermann,” the woman handed over a vanilla finial with only once freshly printed piece of paper inside; “enjoy your day.” 

As soon as he was outside again and away from the orange sweater and fluorescent lights he was ripping the file open. There was only a name printed in faded ink; Eric Richard Bittle.   
“  
What's it say Zimms?” Kent asked from under his aviator sunglasses. He knew he must be making that deer like expression that Kent sometimes mentioned. He felt caught in the headlights and the car wasn’t stopping. “Zimms?” Kent said again but this time slower, hand on his shoulder. Jack didn’t say anything for there was really nothing to say. 

****

At first he didn't really like Samwell. It was the same school his mother had gone to and raved about for years. Jack had never planned on going college, hockey had always come first and foremost. He hadn’t disliked high school though during the end if felt more like another stressor than anything else. 

It wasn’t like he was going to be in the NHL anytime soon. He had watched on TV during the first week he was back at home as Kent was drafted by the Aces. He looked so happy, maybe he was. 

Jack fell into a routine, his therapist had told him that routine was important. He liked it. Waking up at the same time, going for a run at the same time, being in bed no later than ten. He saw the concerned looks that his parents gave him. His mother hovered around him, always resting just within the corners of his vision. While his mother hugged him constantly his father seemed to retract farther into himself. 

Jack knew that his dad blamed himself. It wasn’t his fault, not really. Far all the times his father pushed him, to play faster, smarter, better; he’d never meant for this. There was never a doubt in his mind that his father loved him, just wanted what he wanted. His father knew him in a way that he often forgot about. 

So Jack sat on the couch and watched the draft, his dad sat beside him. Patted him on the shoulder as he got up to get a glace of water. A simple confirmation that his dad believed that one say that could still be him. 

On a particular good Sunday he downloads one of those Soulmate apps. The ones that you can look up someone's name and see of their searching for their soulmate. He doesn’t do anything with it, doesn’t even log in. Just stares at it for a while before slipping his phone back into his pocket, pretending like it never happened. 

For a year he coaches a Pee Wee team. Goes home every day and sits on the couch and watches ESPN. He sees the concerns look his parents give him, he lets them. He promises that once this years up he’ll be better, enroll in college like his mother wants. So he sits on the couch and meets the kids on the ice at three; but mostly he promises himself that after this years up he’ll never think about it again. 

Samwell had been the next step in his recovery. He couldn’t play hockey professionally. Not only had his therapist not recommended it but no team would have taken him. The news of Bad Bob Zimmerman’s son's overdose spread like wildfire around the sports world. He had read what they were saying about it. That he had a drug problem, had been addicted to cocaine, crack, heroin. Sometimes Jack wondered if the truth was worse. What was a team suppose to do with a player who had to take five different pills just to get on the ice.

Of course it wasn’t like that anymore, there was no more pills. His therapist had insisted that he cut all times with them. There was no backups, no standard issued ones that had little effect. No, Jack was on his own for what felt like the first time in forever. 

Before his first game he threw up twice, emptying out anything that could have possibly been in his stomach. Even after the were off the ice with the first win in their pockets Jack still felt sick. Some part of him had been sure a win would do the trick, would have settled the butterfly’s in his stomach. In the locker room the next day one of the seniors dubbed him a ‘hockey robot’. Jack didn’t mind the nickname, he rather be called a hockey robot then a drug addict.

It wasn’t till there forth game that Jack attended one of the kegsters. He’s been actively avoiding them though pretending he wasn’t. He’s attended enough parties back in juniors with Kent dragging him from room to room. He doesn't think he ever truly liked them, though most of the time he was to high to dislike anything. A party filled to the brim wasn’t a place he wanted to be, wasn’t a place he should be. 

Shitty had linked his arm with Jack’s as he was leaving the locker room. He’d named himself Shitty before anyone could try to come up with an actual hockey nickname for him. Something about his name being so shitty. None of the guys had tried to give him a hockey name, which he was more than fine with. He’d been Zimms back in juniors, before the overdose, and he didn't think he wanted to be Zimms anymore. 

“You coming to the Keg tonight Jackie Z?” Shitty asked. As he wiggled his eyebrows his mustache followed along like a third one. Jack had never met anyone under thirty-five who had a mustache. 

“Wasn’t planning on it.” 

“Promise I’ll be your party buddy,” Shitty said pulling Jack with him into the brisk Massachusetts air. Jack shrugged, hoping Shitty would take that as a light hearted no. “I’m taking that as a yes” 

In the end it wasn’t that bad, Shitty hadn’t been kidding about being his party buddy. Everytime he moved he was practically bumping into him. At the end of the party he ended up on the porch with Shitty and a girl with spiky back hair who he was passing a joint back and forth with. Shitty had of course offered some to him, but didn't push when Jack declined. Jack was also surprised when he didn’t push when Jack said no to a beer, and to dancing, and to talking to this boy with blond hair. Mostly he just let just let Jack follow him around like his own living breathing shadow. 

He didn’t really mind being Shitty’s shadow. 

***

They don’t win, the barley even come close. They have good run of it and Jack knows he shouldn’t be as crushed as he is. It’s a team sport and it’s not all up to him, yet he still feels like he let the team down. Shitty sits with him in his dorm room and lets him brew and then watches a History documentary with him. Shitty keeps comparing his mustache to everyone's in the documentary until he has Jack laughing. 

Being with Shitty is never like it was with Kent. Beside that fact that him and Shitty aren't having sex. With Kent he was always wondering if he was doing something right, if he was embarrassing himself, if he looked like a total idiot. 

With Shitty he knows like he looks like an idiot. He lets Shitty call him Hockey Robot even though if it were Kent said something like that he wouldn’t have talked to him for days. Instead he lets it go though he’s not entirely where it goes. Maybe it just floats off into space. 

He lets Shitty aggressively cuddle him and Jack pretends to be annoyed. He lets Shitty throw M&Ms at him and caims Jack never indulges. Jack doesn’t remind him that last time he indulges he had to be rushed to the hospital in the back of ambulance. He doesn’t feel like he has to mention because in some weird way Shitty already knows. He knows and doesn’t care. Jack’s never had someone want him to be so truly happy the way Shitty does. It’s almost unsettling. 

He loves that he doesn’t care, he wishes no one cared. 

Jacks packing up his bag after finishing a less than phenomenal English class. The guy who’s been sitting in front of him the whole year bumps into his shoulder hard. He pressed his fingers under his nose and sucks up; looks Jack dead dead in the eye. It’s not the first time, people suggesting something that never really happened. He lets the guy go and rushes back to his dorm room. Shitty latter finds him curled up under his comforter his hands still shaking. 

It doesn't happen often. in general most people don't recognize him and when they do it's usually him as a member of the Samwell hockey team. He likes it, getting to feel invisible. 

As the year grows to a close they name him captain. He’s not surprised, Shitty had told him it would probably happen. Jack wouldn’t consider himself arrogant, and he tries not to be, but he knows he’s probably the best on the team. With the old captain graduating it hadn’t really seemed out of the question. 

It’s another challenge and Jacks not sure he’s ready. Sometimes he thinks he might never be ready. He doesn’t barf before every game and leave the ice shaking anymore so Jack thinks that must count for something. 

The whole team goes to graduation. It’s a surprisingly sober affair. Johnson the goalie keeps making vague remarks about the plot moving forward. Jack thinks it’s probably just a goalie thing. 

Kyle, the old captain, who's been teary eyed since this morning pats Jack on the back as they're walking back to the Haus. He still got his robes on along with a big smile on his face. 

“You're going to do good Jack,” Kyle said with so much sincerity that Jack can’t help but smile. Him and Jack haven’t really talked much. Kyle had always seemed to prefer to hang out with the older guys, specially the ones that lived in the Haus. He always seemed quite, reserved in a way that didn’t feel standoffish. 

He can tell Kyle sad about leaving, something been different about him the last couple weeks. He’ll never play another game of hockey again, or atleast not like this. Kyle was good but he wasn’t going to play professionally. Jack wasn’t sure how he'd be acting if he knew he’s played his last game. 

“Thanks,” Jack says but Kyle already stumbled off. He's got his arm hooked around the shoulders of a tall girl with red hair. Jack thinks her name's Meredith, or Macie or something else with an M. 

He knows their soulmates, met before online and then moth decided to go here. They look so insanely happy it makes Jack’s throat feel like it's closing up. She throws her head back and laughs loudly at something he whispered in her ear. Something about it Jack just can’t look directly at. 

He hangs out at the Haus for a little while, Shitty draped all over him. As the first of the guys start to trickle out, Jack makes a sneaky exit. 

Back in his dorm room with his door shut and his roommate gone for the summer he pulls the folder out from under the bed. He hadn’t looked inside since before the overdose. 

Now he does, flipping it over and reading the name over and over again. He’s not sure why but some part of him expected it to be blank. For this to be taken away from him, finally realizing he doesn’t deserve this. 

Jack reaches into his suit pocket, fishing out his phone. He doesn’t have much on his phone, Shitty was always teasing him about he was living in the stone age. He does have the app, the soulmate one that he put on almost a year ago. 

He hasn’t made an account, or even opened it. Most of the time he barely even looks at it. But now he does, his eyes sliding back and forth between the folder and the app. 

He’s not sure how long he sits there, looking back and forth. In a flurry of motion he tosses the folder back under his bed and delete the app. Jack thinks it best not to pretend he deserves to look, deserves the name written in the folder. 

***

He doesn’t do much over the summer. He hadn't realized how exhausted he’d been until he was back in Montreal, back home. 

His mother tuts around him for the first couple of days, until after a week or so she calms down. Every morning him and his father go practice goals at the icing skating rink down the street. It’s empty most in the morning, once a while a few figure skaters swirl around the ice. In the afternoon he helps coach the old PeeWee team he helped with right after the overdose. 

He now knows it’s the only good thing that came outta the overdose, aside from maybe splitting with Kent. At the time it had felt like the least significant thing happening in his life, a simple side not to the buzzing that filled his brain. He now gets how good it was, to be on the ice with people who didn’t have any expectations for him. 

He’s helping one of the littles guys skate around, his hand gripping onto Jack’s like his life is depending on it. He's got these big round eyes and always looks a little bit on the borderline of tears. Jack gets it, sometimes he feels like he’s on the borderline of tears too.  
Latter that night him and his dad are watching some action movie that that Jack just can’t quite seem to get into. There’s a lot of exploding and gunshots. Jack would prefer something more quiet, and preferably with an actual story line. But his dad seems to like it so he doesn’t complain. 

“Jack?” His dad murmurs just as the credits start to roll on screen; “I know that you found out who your soulmate is...right before the overdose. Around your eighteenth birthday.” 

Jack turns to his dad, and he sure that surprise plays clearly on his face. It's been two years since then and his parents have never so much as hinted at it. He had assumed that they knew, it’s not like he’d lied or anything. Jack even guessed that they had found the folder when they were showering his room for any hidden pills. 

“Yes,” Jack says slowly, watching his dad; “I know who it is.” 

“You know there's all these new ways to find them. Apps that really do it all for you.”

“I know,” Jack says back and from the corner of his eye he watches his father nod. They both turn back to the TV and watch the credits scroll by. It’s already fifteen past so Jack quickly says goodnight, his father barely even responds. Jack wanders into the kitchen for a glass of water, which he fills to the very brim. He’s leaving the kitchen on his way upstairs when his father catches his eye. 

“You know Jack you deserve to be happy,” he looks pained, eyebrows all squished together. 

“Maybe,” Jack answers, quickly running up the stairs to his room. Maybe. 

*** 

He heads back to Samwell a week early to move all of his stuff into the Haus. With the captainship had come the new room. He doubted that without it he would have been given dibs. Shitty had though, taking the room that shared a bathroom with Jack’s. It was nice being just down the hall from Shitty, having his closest friend only a shout away. 

When him and Kent had shared a room when they were on the road it had never felt this simple. Jack supposed at one point Kent had been his best friend. There was never a simple ease. He hadn’t even noticed how tense his moments with Kent until he was relaxing on the gross green couch with Shitty. It suddenly seemed perfectly clear the inevitability of him and Kent drifting apart. And to think at one point in time he was almost sure they were soulmates. 

Two days latter Johnson shows up, somehow fitting all of his stuff into two suitcases and a box. Johnson murmurs something about the unimportance of material objects when Shitty asks about it. Jack just shrugged watching Johnson stumble into his room. 

Jack room is already fully put together, all the boxes empty and put in the recycling bin. Shitty’s room on the other hand is barely half done, a blanket thrown over his bare mattress and his clothes in piles on the floor. Shitty insists he’ll get around to it but Jack’s starting to suspect that he has a serious issue with organizing. 

The fourth guys shows up the day after Johnson. Alex is tall in a way that Jack would even admit is vaguely terrifying, and is also somehow all shoulders. He’s aggressive in a sort of clumsy way. He’s always getting into fights that almost always end with him practically toppling over. 

A very short girl with big curly hair helps him move in. Jack pretty sure that she’s his soulmate, he’s seen her before at a couple of their games. She barely comes up to his shoulder but has a certain bounce to her step that makes her seem much taller. She introduces herself as Yessica with a firm handshake and a dimpled smile. 

Her and Shitty hit it off fast when he learns she’s a Gender studies major back at the University of Chicago, which is also where their both from. Within minutes her and Shitty are standing on the kitchen table yelling about the mistreatment of woman in full. Jack has a feeling that thinks like this won't be an uncommon occurrence in the Haus with Shitty here. 

“You know,” Alex says suddenly appearing beside Jack in the doorway, a looming figure; “I couldn’t stand her when I first met her.” 

“Yeah,” Jack says, not sure what else to say. 

“I thought she was crazy, had never met a girl like her before. Where I grew up they didn’t really teach girls that they could be angry about things. And then she was here with all her strong opinions and I was so freaked out,” he says with a little chuckle; “And now I want to do stuff with her all the time.” 

Jack nodded thinking about the folder he already hid in his underwear drawer. A name without a face, yet already somehow means all the world to him. Jack wonders if he’ll want to do everything with Eric Bittle. 

“You know I’ve never met your soulmate?” Alex says like Jack’s soulmate was someone he had heard a lot about; not an ambiguous figure that Jack doesn't even know. 

“It’s complicated.” 

“It always is,” Alex says with a sigh; “i’m sure you’ll figure it out Jack.” 

He’s not sure what else to do so he nods, like he has some sort of plan. Alex already drifted away from him, walking to the table and taking Yessica hand, helping her jump off. She smiled doing a little twirl, still gripping his hand. Together they had an impressive sort of ease, they seemed to fit like puzzle pieces. 

He had seen it hundreds of of time, the ease that existed only between soulmates. He’d seen it in strangers on the street, a couple on the bus, his own parents. It was always the most interesting close up, where all the little details of their actions suddenly don’t seem so little anymore.

He signs up for a World War 2 literature class which blends in perfectly with his history major. Johnson had sort of convinced him to take it even though the reading load was heavy. He didn’t really put up much of a fight, Jack likes reading. 

They find a seat in the back, rushing in just in time. Johnson almost made them late when he had insisted that getting coffee before class would have to be a ritual. For as long as he can remember Jack’s always hated being late; so he feels the certain buzz under his skin the whole walk over there. 

The professor is short, her braids all wrapped up on the top of her head. Her lipstick and shoes are both the same perfect shade of bright red. She doesn’t really catch his attention though, instead he’s looking at the two boys sitting in front of them. 

It’s a pretty big class, Jack doesn’t mind though. He’s always liked the sense of anonymity that comes with having so many other people around him. He recognizes a few kids from past classes, but everything in blending into a blurry background. His focus keeps being centered around the two boys in front of him no matter how many times he turns his gaze away. 

It’s that ease that seems to radiate out from them, shining bright over everything else. The keep drifting closer together no matter how many times the bounce apart. Their like to magnets unable to pull apart. There's a pull in Jack’s stomach that he’s only felt a very few times. The first time he read his soulmate's name, at graduation last year, in the living room with his father and with Alex in the Haus’s kitchen. 

It’s not like the roll in his stomach when the anxiety starts to squish him. The feelings are cousins though, leaving him with the same shaky hands. 

There’s an ache about this feeling that hard to explain, it runs through his whole body. All he can do is want, want and want. 

Johnson nudges his foot into Jack’s caff, pulling from his own little world. The boys who sat in front of them are already gone, and most of the class had filed out of the class. 

“Did you like it?” Johnson's asks as they walk through. Jack nods but he hardly heard a word the professor said. “You can copy my notes;” Johnson's says after a while like he knows exactly what's going thorough Jack's head. 

***

Being captain isn’t easy, not that he thought it would be. It reminds him of back in juniors, when everyone was always looking telling him to be better. Shitty tries to help and make sure that Jack isn’t feeling to much pressure. It’s nice, but most of the time completely unhelpful. He’s glad he got the captainship. Jack feels ready in a way he hasn’t in a long time. 

Dave, the senior who shares the attic with Alex, is trying to help him with some plays when Shitty flings open the front door. His cheek are flushed like he’s been running and he throws himself on the couch between them. 

 

“Bros I think I just met my soulmate,” Shitty says slightly out of breath, looking back and forth between the two of them. Alex gives Jack a look over Shitty’s head, a single eye brow razed. Jack just shrugged back.

“Did she say something about it?” Alex asks. 

“First thing bruh assuming its a girl is buying to out the hetero view of soulmates that society has created. Second no she didn’t say anything, but she’s training to be the new manager.” 

“How do you know then?” Jack asks, closing his notebook. 

“I could just tell, right off the bat there was just this feeling. I’ve heard people talk about it how easy it feels being with them. It’s just like that.” 

Jack didn’t think he’d ever seen Shitty so happy, he looked positively dazed with it. 

“I guess you’ll just have to bring her over,” Alex said. So Shitty did just that. 

The next day Jack walks into the kitchen and there's a girl sitting in there with Shitty. She’s short and has dark hair down to her shoulders and bangs that she keeps pushing out of her face. 

“Hi,” Jack says. 

“Hey, I’m Larissa,” She says; “or Lardo I guess. Shitty says it was important that I get a hockey name.” 

Jack nods once, understanding Shitty sentiment; “I’m Jack.”

“I know. I’m training with Emily to take over at manger for the team. Shitty insisted that visiting the Haus is an important part of taking over,” Lardo says solemnly though she has a slight shine in her eye. Jack gives Shitty a long look before he gets shood out of the kitchen. 

He thinks it sweet, if anyone deserves to find their soulmate then it’s definitely Shitty. He had never really understood why Shitty didn’t just go and find out who it is. Something about just wanting to know when he finds them. Sometimes Jack sort of wished he was working on just instinct, though if that was the case he’d probably still be with Kent. 

Later Shitty comes into his room, snuggles him in an octopus hug and rants about the awesomeness that is Lardo for a whole twenty minutes. 

Shitty’s praise for Lardo doesn’t sease as fall slowly begins to freeze it’s way into winter. It only starts to become an annoyance when during practice Shitty starts getting distracted any time she shows up, which at starts to be most of the time. Jack ends up having a ‘talk’ with him, which he informs Shitty he can’t look at anything that isn’t ice or isn’t touching ice. After that the problem seems to smoothed itself over. Not to say that Shitty doesn’t come into his room well past midnight to talk about how great she is. 

In most respects the year is going good. He likes his classes, even the one Johnson made him sign up for. More importantly though the team isn’t doing terrible. Not that they were doing terrible last year, but there’s just something different. 

The new defense man Ransom and Holster are freaky in sync even though they barely know each other. He suspects there soulmates though they haven't made any suggestions either way. He knows some of the other guys are suspecting it too, though no one really mentions it when their roaming around the locker room calling each other ‘bro’ and ‘bruh’. 

They also almost automatically become fixtures in the Haus. Jack wouldn’t be surprised if at least one of them got dibs next year, seeing in that they practically already live here. 

They also see as there job to help plan any kegster, considering that somehow they already seem to be friends with everyone at Samewell on Facebook. 

Most of they guys get really into it, especially after a good win but Jack prefers something more mellow. Though none of guys bother him about he can still see the glances they give him when he disappears to his room after a few minutes. The kegster reminds him too much of before and everytime he turns around he expects to see Kent. 

After a while Shitty come up, slightly drunk, and proceeds to bother Jack for a good half an hour before stumbling into his own room. 

It takes a few more hours for the party slowly wind down until around three the Haus finally grows quite. Jack lies awake looking up at his ceiling, it’s night like this when he itches all over to know who Eric Bittle is. He wants to roll over and install one of those apps, look him up right now in the dead of the night. He doesn’t though, instead rolls onto his stomach and lays in bed still as a corpse. He wonders if somewhere out there Eric Bittle is doing the exact same thing. 

***

The years over so fast it almost gives him whiplash. 

The team does okay, Jack thinks next year they'll to better, work harder. He’s still proud of them and he knows no one expected it to go so well which makes it feel twice as good. 

He goes to graduation again but this year it feels more bitter sweet than it did the year before. Him and Alex have become a lot closer over the past year and he’s sad to see him go. Ransom and Holster are moving into the attic and Jack thinks it’ll be pretty weird to have a pair of soulmates living in the Haus. It’s already strange playing hockey with them so he can’t imagine this will be any better. 

His summers pretty mellow which Jack thinks he needs. For a week in the middle of July Shitty comes up to Montreal which is probably the highlight of his summer. They mostly just hang out around his house except one day when Shitty insists that Jack gives him a historical tour. One night during dinner and his dad gives him this look and he knows exactly what he’s asking. He shakes his head just a little bit, and hates the disappointed look that goes across his dad’s face. 

Beside Shitty’s visit he helps with the PeeWee team a little. But mostly he just spends a lot of time practicing with his dad. He’s going to miss this, spending the summers with his dad at the rink. 

School comes to fast and before he knows it he’s heading back to the Haus, unpacking all of his boxes. Already he can tell that Ransom and Holster aren't going to be the quite roommates that Alex and Dan always were. Jack doesn’t think it’ll bother him as much as it once would have. 

He walks with Shitty to the team meeting that’s always held before the start of the school year. It’s mostly for the frogs so they can get to know everyone, but usually everyone seems to have a good time. 

About ten minutes after it’s started a boy with blonde hair and flushed cheeks comes rushing in, and what looks like a pie in hand. 

It turns out it is a pie and the boys descend upon it in a matter of seconds and he can hear their praise of it from across the room. Jack sighs and figures he better go introduce himself to pie boy. Up close he looks even tinier than he did when he rushed in and Jack can’t imagine how the coaches thought he’d be a good addition to the team.

“Hi,” Jack says holding out a hand for him to shake; “I’m Jack Zimmermann.” Pie boys gives him a large smile, and gives Jack’s hand a firm shake. 

“It’s good to meet you Jack, I’m Eric Bittle.”


	2. chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’d waited patiently, hoping, praying, that his soulmate come and find him. But in all that time he’d gotten nothing, so Eric resigned himself to knowing that he would have to find them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!   
> Heres chapter 2. This ones from Bitty's perspective. Originally I had planned to only have three chapter but I split this one into two parts. This starts pre-Samwell and ends right at the end of his freshman year. Sorry for any spelling or grammar errors, I tried to catch everything but I might have missed a few. This chapter does reference bulling and homophobia but not in to much detail.

He lied to his mama and told her he had an emergency hockey practice to go to. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d lied to her, had a reason to lie to her. As he was doing it he could hear her voice in the back of his head: ‘Bittle’s don’t lie to each other, it’s just not what we do.’ 

It wasn’t like Eric could just tell her, she would ask too many questions. Too many questions that he knew he wouldn’t--couldn’t answer. He’d been preparing for this for a long time, mentally more than anything. He’d been preparing for the name he was going to get in the manilla folder. 

Eric had still been in middle school when he realized he was gay. The word they used for people who were attracted to the same gender, whose soulmates where the same gender as them. It wasn’t a new thing, having a soulmate of the same gender, there are documents of it going back hundred of years. That didn’t mean people still didn’t find it wrong or unnatural even though soulmates were thought to be the most natural thing out there. But there were old books, and the people that believed in them and they believed that soulmates of the same gender were wrong. 

Many people didn’t believe those books though, they thought there a whole bunch of rubush. But some people did, like his parents and frankly everyone he knows. 

So he doesn’t tell his mom that he was going to find out who his soulmate is. Cause she would have to ask and he couldn’t answer that question. Not only that but he’d already lied to her and it wasn’t something he could take back. 

On his eighteenth birthday his mother had taken him to to find out who is soulmate is. It was technically something one did alone, but his mother had insisted. They did almost everything together so it only made sense that they would do this together too. She drove him two towns over where the closest center was and waited in the car while he went in. 

Except he didn’t go in. Instead he made sure she wasn’t looking and went around the back to a little alley way. He sat there for a good fifteen minutes before returning back to the car. 

“They said I don’t have a folder. Soulmate already picked it up,” Eric said doing his best to sound disappointed. His mother sighed, giving him a comforting pat on the back. 

“All we got to do is wait now Dicky. I’m sure she’ll come and find you soon enough.” 

But of course they didn’t, because he wasn’t waiting for anyone. As the weeks past his parents started to give him more and more sad looks. His father patted him on the back sympathetically while his mother started giving him more and more hugs. 

A month past and Eric decided he could finally do it. So he took the bus, which ended up being a forty five minute trip with all the stops. It was hot on the bus, his hands were clammy and he felt sort of light headed. 

The stop was right in front of the center, and the bus driver gave him a sweet little smile as he got off, wishing him good luck. It felt quieter somehow compared to the day when he first came. It wasn’t like there had been anymore people. 

He walked right inside, not giving himself even one minute to think it over, he knew he would probably wimp out then. There wasn’t anyone else in line, only a man sat behind a single desk. He had salt and pepper hair and big wide framed glasses. He gave Eric a large smile. 

“Name?” He asked as he stood in front of the desk. 

“Eric Bittle,” he replied, twisting the hem of his shirt a couple of times. The man typed away at his computer. 

“I’m sorry, but it seems like you soulmate file has already been taken.” 

At that moment is sort of felt like imploding in on itself. Eric had never really considered this outcome, though that it was possible. Of course he’d heard before of it happening, but never had he imagined it would be happening to him. 

He had down loaded every soulmate app by the time he turned sixteen. Had at the worst of time fantasized about some handsome boy coming and sweeping off his feet. He’d waited patiently, hoping, praying, that his soulmate come and find him. But in all that time he’d gotten nothing, so Eric resigned himself to knowing that he would have to find them. 

Now he wasn’t sure what to do. His soulmate had over two years where he could have come and found him but he hadn’t. Who ever they were didn’t want him. 

He took the bus back home and by the time he gets there it’s practically dark outside. His mother gives him a concerned look when he stumbles through the door. 

“Dicky, honey is something the matter?” 

He shakes his head, “Just got a bit of a headache, that’s all. I’m gonna go lay down,” She nods at his sympathetically, and he knows she’s still watching him as he climbs the stairs. 

Once he’s up in his room he closes the door and kicks his shoes off. He climbs into bed and pulls the comforter up to his chin even though it’s already much to hot for it. He snuggles Senor Bunny close to his chest and curls up into a little ball, like he’d do when he was a kid. That's when he finally lets the tears fall. He tries his best to be quiet, don’t want his mama worrying. He doesn’t stop until eventually he falls asleep. 

***

Samwell had always been his top choice of college and when the acceptance letter came he practically fainted. His parents hadn’t been that thrilled, they would have prefered if he went to a state school. What they couldn’t turn down was the sports scholarship that Samwell had offered him. Plus he knew Coach was excited to brag to all his friends that his son was going to college on a hockey scholarship. Hockey sure isn’t football but it wasn’t figure skating either.

His mama drives him up, boxes all packed up in the trunk and backseat. Because of hockey he has to get to school a week before everyone else so his roommate hasn’t shown up yet. It’s nice to be able to set up all of his stuff by himself. 

His mama ends up getting all teary eyed while she’s leaving which in turn makes him all teary eyed. He knows he’ll be seeing her soon but it’s still hard. 

He finds out that the students kitchens are open and spends the rest of the day baking the perfect pie for the first team meeting. He’s more nervous than he’s ever been in his entire life. Logically he knows it won't be like high school. He chose Samwell because of its reputation for being accepting. Still it’s sports and people can be different because of the whole ‘bro’ aspects of it. 

In the end everything ends up turning out sunny side up. His pie ends up being a major hit (the boys do truly nasty things to it.) One of the guys, who he thinks is called Holster, threatens that if he keeps making pies this good he’ll propose to him. One of the other guys, a junior who apparently goes by Shitty, quickly gives him the very important Hockey nickname Bitty. 

He’s probably smiling like a maniac the whole time because so far everything is going way better than he ever could have planned. Even when the captain comes over to introduce himself, only to give Bitty is furrowed brow and frown. That doesn’t damper his mood one bit and he feels great. None of the guys are being even vaguely aggressive unless it’s towards his pie. It’s nothing like what it was like with his old team. 

It’s not till later that night, all alone in his dorm room that he starts to question everything. Part of him keeps wondering if he came off too gay or if the guys would even care that he is. He sort of suspects the two defenseman, Holster (the one that threatened to propose) and Ransom are soulmates. They didn’t say anything specifically to him nor do they seems practically affectionate outside a ‘bro’ context but there's something about them. There's an ease they seem to have that he can’t help but think is more than friendship. It’s nice not to think he’s the first one on the team, not the only one. 

At the first practice he learns he’s afraid of checking. Back in Georgia he’s been captain of the team, and though he never was one for bragging Bitty was the best player on the team too. In comparison to the the guys at Samwell he feels very small and inadequate at best. So when one of the guys checks him, barely even a hit, he sort of just crumples. 

Bitty knows it related to all the bulling. He’s had other bad reactions to things because of it. The therapist his mama brought him to after his father made him try football and he broken down in tears on the field, insisted that he had a form of PTSD. As soon as Coach heard that any further appointments with the therapist were canceled. 

His team had been co-ed so checking had always been out of the question. When someone got nasty on the ice, Bitty was always able to dance away. But now he has to get checked, now it’s a big part of the game. 

Jack, who barely talks to him outside of chewing him out in front of everyone and reminding him to eat more protein, decides it’s his job to give Bitty checking practice. At 4 o’clock in the morning. On a Sunday. 

In any other situation a handsome blue eyed boy pushing him up against a wall would be would be quite pleasurable but this is a kind of hell designed specifically for him. Within the first ten minutes he’s already in tears, which is embarrassing enough on it’s own except Jack’s looking at him like idiot, and Bitty wants to just run away and never return. Jack insists that they're not going to stop doing checking practice until he gets this little problem under control.

In between all the checking practices Shitty introduces all the ‘frogs’ to the Haus. Which has a kitchen that Bitty can use all the time without worrying about it being crowded or closed. Though it’s sort of a disaster (he’s not sure what he expected from a frat house) he somehow able to scrape a few things together and make a pie appear. The guys all seem a little weirded out but not enough to not let him use the kitchen. Plus he thinks they're all angling for some more desserts. Which Bitty is fine with because it’s not like he can really contain his baking habit. 

He tells his vlog all about the assist he makes in their first game. He probably seems a little crazy, but he can’t remember the last time he was so excited. Originally the vlog started out as a cooking channel but of recent he spends more time talking about his personal life. 

After the game he goes to his first party. Shitty even makes him do a keg stand which he is surprisingly good at. It’s sort of like who he imagines parties in high school would be like. 

He also learns that Jack doesn’t have a soulmate. Because either Holster or Ransom mentions something about puck bunny’s which can only mean that he doesn’t have a soulmate. No man with a soulmate is hooking up with other people. Bitty can’t really says he’s surprised about the puck bunny thing either, especially now that he knows Jack’s Bad Bob Zimmermann son. Who's a famous hockey player and apparently according to Shitty it’s ‘a sin not to know who he is’. 

Bitty can’t remember the last time he met someone who doesn’t have a soulmate. Most people by the time they past their eighteenth year have found that person. Even Johnson, the strange goalie seems to have someone, though Bitty can’t be entirely sure since Johnson’s pretty theoretical about everything. 

So far none of the guys have bothered him about having a soulmate. Maybe they're all just assuming he has someone down in Georgia that he doesn’t talk about. Bitty’s glad they don’t ask because he’s not entirely sure what he would say. How is he suppose to explain that his soulmate just simply doesn’t want him. 

A couple more weeks pass before his mother comes up for family weekend. It’s a seven hour trip so Bitty knew Coach wouldn’t be coming up, though part of him had hoped that he’d want to see at least one of his games. Back in Georgia he barely ever came to them, and back then they were only thirty minutes away. 

He shows his mama around his dorm room, then a little around the campus before finally landing at Fabor. His mother ohhs and awws at everything and takes about a hundred pictures. 

“I’m nervous about watching you!” His mama says as he poses for another photo; “Are you sure you’re not going to get run over? I looked at the roster, some of those boys are big. You’re 5’7”. 

Bitty feels his face heat up at her comment. It’s not like she’s worrying without reason, he’s fainted while playing sports before and he’s sure he’ll do it again. He reminds her that it’s his third game and he hasn’t fainted yet. 

“Third game or not,” She says letting a long sigh slip from her lips; “I still remember scooping you off that field in junior peewee after your first tackle. Curled up and cryin’ like you broke something.” 

Bitty looks away from her, casting his eyes downwards. His failures in the football department are shameful memories in his family. Almost as bad as his figure skating days. His father had only ever really wanted one thing from him, and that was for him to play football. 

Bitty reminds her about the pie they planned on baking leading her back to the Haus, leaving any conversation of football behind them. She talks excitedly about something she put on her pintrest as they leave Fabor. 

Later before the game Holster and Ransom convince him that they need more jockstraps from the creepy storage room on the other side of fabor. Of course he knows there messing with him, but he doesn't mind. He even sort of likes it, makes him feel like one of the guys. He’s walking past one of the door leading outside when Jack’s voice comes flowing towards him. He’s talking in French so he can’t understand a word, but he sounds stressed out. 

Bitty peaks out the door, Jack’s sitting with his head in his hands. His hands are shaking slightly and he can see Jack’s got a slight flush on his cheeks. Bitty’s never seen Jack show any emotions besides frustration when Bitty messes something up on the ice. 

“Are you okay?” He asks, and to his own ears his voice sounds weak and flimsy. Jack looks up turning to face him. There’s panic written on his face as Jack asks if he heard anything. He shakes his head; “I was in the old equipment room and I heard you outside. I didn’t understand--but you just kinda seemed stressed.” 

As his sentence trails off he comes and sits down next to Jack, his feet swing back and forth as he waits for Jack to say something. Jack says something about Ransom and Holster making him go get jock straps, though Bitty not really sure what he responds with it gets this funny little smile out of Jack. 

“Pre game jitters?” He asks. 

Jack nods back at him; “something like that.” 

Bitty starts ranting about how’d he feel when his dad would come his games. He’s not really sure why he’s telling Jack all this but he doesn’t really seem to mind. Jack lets him ramble on as he gives him a fist bump (he didn’t know he did those) and walks with him back to the locker room. 

The games a rough one. There's only four minutes left on the clock and their still tied zero to zero with Yale. Back on the bench everything seemed chaotic, on the ice it’s three times as much. Next to him Shitty takes a hard check but suddenly the pucks just sort of right there. He’s barely even thinking when he shoots the puck past the goalie's head and it goes flying into the net. All the boys come rushing towards him in a terrifying horde, and he can hear people cheering on the stands behind him. Bitty wonders if his mother recorded it. 

They win the game. In the locker room all the boys are patting him on the back and Shitty ruffles his hair. Before he even takes a shower he goes and finds his mama, she’s practically vibrating with joy. Mid way through her explaining the range of emotions she had when he got the goal her eyes go sort of glassy eyed. Walking towards them is Jack and Bad Bob Zimmermann. 

He shakes Bitty’s hand and he’s sure he goes just as glassy eyed as his mother. He’s patting him on the back and complimenting him on the goal and Bitty feels ready to go up to heaven. He turns to Jack who only gives him an angry flushed look before stalking off to the locker room. 

Random and Holster parents end up corning him so he ends up talking to them for a good half an hour. He’s just about to go take a shower when he sees Jack stomp past on his way outside. He runs, calling out to him once they're both outside. 

“Hey, Jack! Wait up! I’m so glad I caught you. ‘Cause I just wanted to say again good game. And thank--” 

“Bittle,” Jack says not even turning around to look at him; “It was lucky shot”. 

His word make Bittu feel like he’s crumpling up. He feels tears well up in his eyes and he furiously wipes them away. Him and Jack aren't even that close but some part wanted him to be proud of him, happy for him. He feels stupid, and young and so incredibly foolish. And he absolutely hates that Jack can make him feel this way, so very small.

***

He tells Shitty about his soulmate issues only once Holster and ransom start to ask questions. After that no one says anything about it and Bitty wonders what Shitty told them to get them off his back. Him and Shitty don’t really talk about it again, there's not really anything to say. 

When he goes home for christmas his mama asks a couple times about a soulmate. Bitty usually just shrugs his shoulders, acts like it isn’t bothering him. She looks very sad, face long and eyes all watery. It’s nice when he’s back at Samwell, it’s exhausting having someone pity him like that. 

Spring comes around and he meets Shitty possibly soulmate Lardo. From the stories the boys had told about her Bitty had sort of figured she was six foot. And a boy. 

It’s nice to have someone sort of his height around, she doesn’t make fun of him for not being able to get stuff on the top shelf. She’s also team manager and the hygiene she tries to impart of the boys is truly awe inspiring. According to Shitty she had ‘a crazy chirp game’ and Bitty couldn’t agree more. 

Jack isn’t really nicer to him. Ever since the Yale game Jack mostly just pretends that he’s not there. He also seems to be actively keeping Bitty off the ice when he is, even going as far as to complain to the coaches in front of everyone. Bitty tries his best to act like it doesn’t bother him but he’s sure the disappointment is clear on his face. 

Even though Jack’s so reluctant to play with him, it’s not like it can be completely avoided. And the truth is they're great together. It’s never felt as easy as it does now. There's something almost magical about it. 

Him and some of the guys go to a restaurant for some pre-playoffs celebrations and he ends up squished between Shitty and Jack in a booth. Jack’s having a beer which Bitty finds completely surprising considering he’s never seen him drink anything but Gator Aid. 

“Boys, we’re on TV,” Ransom says pointing to the TV mounted on the wall. They all try to listen, ears straining to hear over everyone. 

It takes everyone a minute to realize that they're not talking about the team but Jack. Bitty sometimes forgets that he’s Jack Zimmermann, that he’s famous. 

Their talking about Jack’s overdose. Bitty’s heard bits and pieces of it, looked it up one night but felt to guilty to read anything about it. It was big news and people never seemed to be too kind about it. He thinks it must be hard, having people that are perfect strangers talk about it like it’s any of their business. 

One of the guys yells to turn it off but it’s already done its damage. Jack rushes from the table fists clenched and shoulders stiff. Bitty’s chest contracts with how sad Jack looked. Like he wanted to break down in tears right there. 

Shitty follows Jack out and a couple minutes later texts the teams so say him and Jack have headed back to the Haus. They leave after that, Ransom and Holster heading back to the Haus. Part of Bitty wants to go, see of Jack’s okay. He knows it’s not really his place.

***

Playoffs don’t really go as planned. 

The game's almost over when Jack skates up to him. He want him to go against this D-man who Bitty’s pretty sure weighs twice as much as him. But when Jack put his hand on his shoulder and tells Bitty he’s ‘got his back’, Bitty doesn’t give it a second thought. 

He’s shaking so bad he can barely hold his stick, and his eyes dart around the ice. He’s got the puck and he’s heading towards the net when quite suddenly he’s airborne. 

His brain registers the check but his body doesn’t really. He feels like it’s all happening in slow motion as he flips up into the air. He’s heading back down and his head connects with the ice and his helmet goes sliding away. 

He’s able to skate off okay, the coaches and ref surrounding him. But as soon as he’s off the ice he sort of just topples, the world turning around him. He throws up once there in the locker room and they sit him down. The doctor waists no time, asking his questions, making him relay facts and count fingers. He ends being told he has a mild concussion. 

The team gets eliminated the next round and everyone takes it pretty rough. It had felt so close. 

They guys come and visit him in his dorm, since he's supposed to be in bed resting a lot. He’s not aloud to bake and his fingers are itching to get his hands on some butter. 

One day, late in the afternoon, Jack comes and visits him. He’s only come one other time, with Shitty and Lardo. Bitty surprised, him and Jack have never been on the best of terms. 

“Hey,” Jack says quietly, coming to sit in Bitty’s desk chair. His roommates out so it's just the two of them. 

“Hey,” he says back, pulling himself up so his backs resting against the headboard. They sit in silence for a couple minutes, not looking at each other. Bitty plays with the hem of his sweatshirt. 

“I’m sorry,” Jack since, head still ducked, eyes not meeting Bitty’s. 

“It’s okay Jack. It’s not your fault.” 

Jack nods but he doesn't look like he believes him. Bitty doesn’t blame him, he knows he should, but he doesn’t. 

They sit in silence for a little while, it’s surprisingly not awkward. The sun's almost all the way down when Jack begs his good-byes. He gets a smile from Jack when he chirps him about only coming to visit him to see when he’ll be back to baking. 

The next day after the end of the year celebration and the awards are all handed Johnson gives him his dibs. He’s not really sure what that means so the next day he pays a visit to the Haus. Everyone outside, someone even decided to bring out the horrible green couch which Shitty and Lardo are sitting on. Holsters standing in front of a grill, trying to do something that resembles cooking. 

As soon as he asks what dibs are everyone promptly freaks out. Ransom yelling about doing someone's homework and Holster says something's about wearing a frilly apron. Shitty seems to just be yelling, not really making any comprehensible words. 

“Bittle,” Jack says through all the chaos; “it means you get Johnson’s room in the Haus next year.” 

He makes this sort of high pitched noise that is completely embarrassing and plops down onto the couch beside Lardo. He now has access to the kitchen all the time, even when it’s snowing. And he can host big team meals if he wants to. Everyone rolls their eyes when he says his plans. 

Finals week come to an end and he starts moving all of his stuff into Johnson's room. He’d never really considered him and Johnson close, but apparently close enough to get his room. It’s nice, way bigger then his dorm room and has an actual closet. 

He stacks his stuff up on one side of the room, trying to keep it out of they way of the few boxes Johnson's left. He’s talking to him mama on the phone about furniture. Johnson is leaving a surprising amount of stuff behind. Bitty thinks he’ll probably get a new matrix. He doesn’t really want to know what the stains are from on this one. 

A knock comes from his door, and he turns to see Jack waiting in the entrance. He says his goodbyes to his mama, setting down the box he was holding. He’d thought Jack had already left for some fancy prospect camp in Chicago. 

He starts blabbing about his plans for the Haus and Jack had to practically shout to get his attention. 

“Listen. Before I left, I just wanted to make sure we’re cool… and that you knew...I’m sorry about,” he’s stumbling through his words and got that same sad expression he did that day in Bitty’s dorm room. He wants to give Jack a big hug, wipe that frown right off his face. 

“Jack, of course!” Bittys says back, and jack instantly looks happier. Bitty likes this happy Jack, it makes him feel all warm inside. 

They talk about prospect camp for a minute. Jack reminds him to to strain himself to much after he concussion. Bitty’s not sure why but he’s blushing. 

“Eat more protien,” Jack says pulling his back strap over his shoulder, heading down the stairs. 

“You have a good summer too, Jack,” Bitty calls after him, leaning against the wall outside his room. Something flutters in his stomach and he sighs but let himself smile. The feeling sort of seems like hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I'm planning to post chapter three within the week, hopefully by Friday. I've already started the next chapter so it may be up sooner.


	3. chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I think Jack’s my soulmate.” 
> 
> “What?” Lardo says, pulling her head from his shoulder, eyes wide with surprise; “did he say something to you?” 
> 
> “No,” Bitty says shaking his head; “there's just this feeling and I think thats what it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!   
> heres chapter three, originally i'd hoped to post this by Friday but it turned out a lot longer then i had planned.   
> That you to everyone who's left comments and kudos, its always nice to hear people are enjoying your work.   
> Also i forget to say this before the last chapter, some of the dialogue is taken directly from the comic.   
> hope you enjoy.

He’s summer isn’t going very well. 

He’s had worse, when he was eight his father made him go so a sports camp and he broke his leg. When he was eleven his neighbor convinced his mama that she needed to send him to bible camp and he spent the whole summer learning about that glory that is hetroseuxality. He’s also had better summer's, much better summers. 

It’s not just the concussion, which sucks and keeps him off the ice. He’s finally able to bake again and doesn’t have to be so bedridden anymore so there is definitely things for him to do. 

The guys also text him a lot. There's a group text with everyone on the team and Holster and Ransom have been posting crazy pictures of their road trip all summer. Him and Lardo also have an impressive snap-streak going. Shitty keeps texting him funny pictures from the summer internship he’s doing. 

He’s still so incredibly lonely. 

His Mama joined this new book club and during the second meeting three of ladies corner him in the kitchen while he’s trying out a new pie recipe. 

“Good Lord,” one of the ladies says, she’s wearing such a bright blue shirt he almost can’t look directly at it; “your girls real lucky, not every day you get a man that can cook.” 

“She’s real lucky to get you as a soulmate,” another one says, rifling through their cabinets for a glass. 

“I don’t--” Bitty starts but he’s quickly cut off by one of the other ladies. 

“How bout you show us a picture of your girl, Dicky,” She says coming to stand next to him, looking at him expectantly. 

“I don’t know who my soulmate is,” Bitty responds voice gone quite, cheeks flushed and eyes cast down. 

They lady in the bright blue shirt gasp, hand flying over her mouth as though she even thought of keeping that noise inside. The one who asked for the pictures pats his shoulder sympathetically. 

“You poor thing,” she says and Bitty wants to disappear. 

He begs his goodbyes and rushes out of the room. As he speeds through the living room his Mama throws him a questioning look but doesn’t stop him. Once he’s up in his room the tears start to fall. He hates crying, and part of him hates his soulmate for making him feel this way. For not wanting him. For leaving him all alone. 

He’s nineteen, in other world he should have already known his soulmate for at least a year. They should be doing stuff together, looking for an apartment, traveling, just being together. He shouldn’t be stuck here in Georgia, being weighed down by pity and sympathy. He should be out living a life with his soulmate. 

Bitty counts down the days to when he can go back to Samwell. It doesn’t come soon enough, he’s practically at his wits ends when he finally packs up his bags and boards an airplane to Boston. 

Ransom and Holster pick him up at the airport and drive him to the Haus. He’s never been in a car while Holsters driving and it’s not an experience he particularly wants to repeat. Holsters one of those people that talks with their hands which means that his hands are never on the steering wheel. He’s so happy he didn’t die that he bakes them a pie. 

Both Shitty and Jack get in the next day late in the afternoon. Everyone at the haus ends up going for a late dinner even though Bitty had sort of wanted to cook for them. He doesn’t mind to much, he figures he’ll have lots of opportunity. 

Right off the bat he notices that Jack seems softer. Apparently prospect camp went well, which means he has a very good chance of playing in the NHL next year. Bitty’s happy for him, Jack finally seems to be getting everything he wants. 

In the week before class starts Bitty spends most of his time reorganizing the Haus. Even with all the work he’s done in the kitchen it’s truly a disaster. He hangs up new curtains in the kitchen and replaces their door mat. None of the boys seem particularly thrilled about these improvement (especially that fact that he moved the beer) but none of them stop him either. 

The first day of practice goes horribly. He’s been of the ice since the concussion and is rusty in a truly horrific way. It’s not just that, one of the new guys Dex barely even knocks into him but he still blacks out. When he comes back to it he can hear the boys murmuring while the coaches ask to see him in their office after practice. 

Of course they say he might get cut, he didn’t need a meeting with them to know that much. Hockey's a physical game, and if he can’t get even brushed by someone without collapsing he’s certainly not going to be able to play an actual game. 

“Have you looked into seeking help,” Coach Hal asks. 

Bitty shakes his head. His family barely talks about it and beside that one time his mother took him to see the therapist, they’ve never done anything about it. Mostly his father pretends it doesn’t exist and his mother follows right along. 

“Though we can’t make you take anything beyond physical therapy, we can advise that you seek outside help for this,” Coach Murray says. 

They stay and talk for another few minute but as soon as they say he can go Bitty bolts out of there. He can already feel the tears overflowing and he ferously wipes them from his cheek. He ends up outside, in the same place he found Jack that day before the game. He feels stupid, as he wipes the tears from his cheeks. He feels so stupid but more than anything he feels so very alone. 

 

***

 

Last year he hadn’t thought too much about the seniors leaving, even though Johnson gave him dibs he’d never really be close to any of them. It’s completely different with Jack and Shitty. Living with them means he hears all the details of what their life could be after college. 

He bakes Shitty whatever he wants because he seems to be in a constant state of stress. Apparently all the law school applications are ‘kicking him in the butt’ in the most horrible way possible. So Bitty tries his best to make sure Shitty’s eating something, even if that something is mostly pie. 

On the other hand Jack is all serious business. He’d always known Jack was going to play in the NHL. He’s by far the best on the team and over the summer he went to that fancy prospect camp in Chicago. Plus he’s Jack Zimmermann, there isn’t a world where he isn’t playing hockey. 

He spends all of his time either playing hockey or talking to people who want him to play hockey for them. Bitty thinks it must be pretty overwhelming, but Jack takes it all with a scientific calmness that's truly impressive. 

One day he’s walking to library where he’s meeting Lardo when he runs into Jack and a G.M for the Falconer’s. He quite literally runs into them and ends up toppling over which is completely embarrassing. It seems like their organizing deals while exercising which is such a Jack thing to be doing he lets out a little laugh. Georgia, the G.M who apparently recognizes who he is, which can only means she’s been watching a lot of the games.

When he get to the library he tracks how long it takes to get from Samwell to Providence. He’s not really sure why he does it. It’s not like Jack’s going to ask him to visit, though checking practice have led Jack to not despise him, their still not very close. But the idea of Jack being far away makes his chest feel all tight and his eyes feel watery. 

Off the ice he starts spending more time with Jack too. He convinces a professor to let him into a Woman, Food and American Culture class. Jack insists that he bribed his way into the class but Bitty thinks that's to ugly of a word considering he only used pie. 

Jack decides to take the class too, which BItty can’t be too surprised about considering that he is a history major. The class requires that everyone bake a historically accurate dish for their finial. He looks over to Jack’s notes and sees circled ‘ask BItty.’ 

He smiles more to himself than anything and pats Jack on the arm, “I got your back.” 

For all the coordination he has to the ice none of that seems to translate into the kitchen. The first lettuce on the pie turns out so horrible Bitty’s almost impressed that he could do something to inaccurate. He also lets Jack set the timer on the oven, which he didn’t think could be screwed up but the pie ends up quite singed. 

The next day after checking practice they try again. Jacks holding onto the slightly better looking pie when it suddenly hits Bitty. The ease, he’s heard people talk about it before. And suddenly here is while they're trying to bake a pie. It’s also there when their on the ice together. It’s in the way his chest tightened up with the idea of Jack moving far away, not being able to see him every day. 

He doesn't know how he didn’t notice it before, it seems so obvious.

As soon as the pies in the oven he makes an excuse to flee to his room, something vague about an upset stomach. As soon as he’s shutting the door behind him he’s breaking down. Because for a few fleeting seconds he let himself imagine that his soulmates Jack. Like that could be possible; that this boy could be his. 

He sees now that he’s reached a new state of loneliness all together. He’s started projecting his urges onto someone else, seeing things that don’t really exist. Of course jack’s not his soulmate. Just because he doesn’t know who's Jack soulmate is doesn’t automatically mean his BItty’s. Plus even if some world he is Bitty’s soulmate he would have told him already. 

Bitty winds up pacing around his room for a good twenty minutes. He ends up deciding that he just needs to avoid Jack for a little bit and then any ‘feeling’ will dissolve. 

By the end he learns that avoiding someone who you live with is just as hard as it sounds. It feels like every room he goes into Jack in there. He also keeps giving Bitty these sad, kicked puppy looks. So before he knows he’s making Jack a maple syrup apple pie and getting teased about not eating enough protein. 

The feelings don't go away. Bitty wants to do all sorts of things with Jack, to Jack. It doesn’t help that he spends a good chunk of his time with him. It’s to easy to imagine what it would be like if they were soulmates. That their spending time together because they're meant to be together. Most of time those thoughts leave him punching his pillow in anger every night and holding Senor Bunny close to his chest when he feels the loneliness start to set in. 

As way of distraction he starts to spend more time with the frogs. The two new defenceman bicker all the time, and Bitty’s pretty sure there's some sort of soulmate situation there but he doesn’t know the details. Chowder keep asking Bitty to talk to them for him cause he apparently doesn’t want to bother Jack with this. Which Bitty can understand because when he was a frog he found Jack pretty imitating. 

For a week or so he tries to help them but it’s so exhausting he ends up giving up. It’s not his job to solve their problems off the ice especially if Jack’s not doing anything to help them on. Chowder keeps walking around giving everyone these sad looks, so Bitty lets him be in his kitchen while he bakes him a pie. 

In the week before everyone leaves for winter break Shitty decides they need to through this huge kegster. Ransom and Holster invite everyone who their friends with on Facebook, which is a lot of people. The house is packed to the brim and people have spread out to the lawn. 

He somehow convinces Jack that he should come join him downstairs. He really doesn’t convince him. He’s making sure his door locked so no one decides to throw up or make out in his room when he hears Jack’s door open. 

“You going downstairs Bittle?” Jacks asks, closing his door and locking it. 

“Yeah, you wanna come,” Jack only nods his head, and follows him down the stairs. 

The party downstairs is in full swing, Bitty only went upstairs for a few minutes but it feels like there's double the amount of people as before. Jack follows him to a more empty corner of the living room. He’s telling Bitty a story about what he did to the football team last kegster and he hates how charmed he is by all of this. By Jack. 

Jack just asked Bitty if he wanted to take a selfie (Bitty was sure he was getting chirped) when Jack’s eyes went wide. He’d heard that Kent and Jack had played together, before the overdose. He’s also seen Kent play before, he was good, really good.

He ends up getting a selfie with Kent Parson but when he turns around to show Jack he’s already gone. 

He’d heard rumours about them too, mostly from Ransom and Holster. Apparently at one point in time people had thought they were soulmates. He’d seen videos of them playing together, it would make sense why people would think that. Though Jack had never hinted anything about his soulmate maybe they are soulmates, rumours often are built in something truthful. 

As quickly as that thought came he’s pushing it out of his mind. It was only going to make him upset, thinking about that. 

He goes outside, Shitty’s on the front porch trying to advertise some tube juice that Bitty knows from experience can make you do some truly horrible things. 

“Shitty have you seen Jack?” He asks, propping the door open behind him. 

“I think he went up to hide in his room. Probably to get away from Kent, I don’t think he was really invited,” Shitty says. 

“Oh, do you think Kent’s here trying to get Jack to play for the Aces?” Bitty asks, coming to sit beside Shitty. 

“I don’t know brah. Him and Parson’s relationship is complicated. I think they were together when Jack found out about his soulmate and it fucked them both up pretty bad. I don’t really know all the details, Jack doesn’t talk about it much. Let's keep this between you and me Bit’s.” 

“Yeah of course,” Bitty replies sliding his phone into his pocket; “I should probably put this upstairs before I do anything too embarrassing.” He says gesturing to his phone. He passes lardo as he heads back inside and up the stairs. Surprisingly there's no one upstairs making out but he can hear voices coming from Jack’s room. 

“Do you know what team you want to join. The Aces are always an option.”

“I don’t know yet.” 

Bitty fishes into his pocket trying to find his key as fast as possible. He doesn’t want to be caught eavesdropping, he doesn’t want to be eavesdropping. 

“Kent I can’t do this,” Jack's voice sounds strained. 

“I could tell the GM’s that you’re interested, could open up cap space. We could play together again, we could be together again. You’d be done with this stupids team and--” 

“Get out.” 

Bitty finally found his key but he feels stuck, he knows he should leave but he can’t. 

“You shut me out so you can be with that stupid soulmate of yours! Where is he Jack? We were good together Jack and you dropped all of it for what. Seems like nothing to me!” Their yelling now, covering over the sound of the music from downstairs. 

“I miss you Zimms,” Kent's voice has gone soft.

“You always say that. Nothings changed.” 

“Well, Shit. You're always so afraid people are going to hate you, think your too fucked up to care about. Well I’m still here. You’ve always been so afraid that your soulmate is ganna hate you, well you’ve waited so long now they probably do. Trust be Jack, I’m sure they do.” 

“G-get out of my room.” 

Bitty chooses that moment to drop his key, which is definitely karma for listening in on a conversation not meant for his ears. It lands right in front of Jack's door, Bitty’s reaching to snatch it up within seconds. Of course Jack’s door flies open then, showing him crouched on the ground, key in hand. 

Kent and Jack are both looking down at him. They both looked ruffled and their cheeks are flushed. Distantly Bitty wonders what they were doing before he got up here. 

“Good Luck with the Falconers, that’s sure to make everyone proud,” Kent says, putting his baseball cap back on and heading down the stairs. 

Bitty gets one good look at Jack before he’s slamming his door closed, locking Bitty out. Jack was shaking all over, eyes wide and afraid. He’s never seen someone have a panic attack before but he’s sure that what this is. 

He feels lost as he goes to his room, locking the door behind himself. He sits on his desk chair and starts recording. He knows he’ll never post this, probably delete it the next day but he just needs to let it out. 

It comes tumbling out, all the things he’s left unsaid. Not just about what he’s just witnessed but everything. His worries about never finding his soulmate, that he thinks it’s Jack and doesn’t understand why he wouldn’t want him. About feeling so alone. 

By the time he’s done, he’s worn himself out so much he doesn’t even bother to brush his teeth. He just changes into pajamas and climbs into bed. Even though he’s exhausted he lays awake for a while, staring up at the ceiling. 

He wakes up early the next morning, earlier than he would ever like to on a Saturday. He wanders down stairs, the Haus is quiet almost peaceful. He makes a batch of chocolate chip cookies. He leaves most of them on the rack to cool but slips a few into a plastic bag and heads up stairs. 

He waits till later when he hears Jack leave his room. Shitty’s trying to convince Jack that Lucky Charms are actually healthy for you, and Jack’s having none of it. Bitty waits till the coast is clear before slipping into his room. 

He’s only been in there a few times and never without Jack. He feels like he’s invading Jacks privacy, especially after everything he heard last night. He convinces himself it’s for the greater good. 

Jack’s suitcase is open on his bed, almost all the way packed. Jack’s leaving late this evening for Montreal and he’s never one for last minute packing. Bitty slips the bag of chocolate chip cookies in between two hoodies and hopes for the best. 

 

***

 

His Christmas is pretty uneventful. His family bother him more about the whole soulmate thing then ever before. His two younger cousins both bring their soulmates to christmas dinner which means everyone's eyes are drawn to him, the odd man out. He tries to keep it light but his family doesn’t know how to let anything go. 

It’s a relief once he’s unpacking his stuff at the Haus, a weight feels lifted off his chest. Shitty stops by his room, lays in his bed and rants about his family for a good half an hour. Apparently his family still not happy his sisters soulmate is a girl. Bitty nods along and makes the appropriate noises when there’s a break in the conversation. His sympathetic but his heart's not really in it. 

He signs up to two new soulmate apps but nothings comes of either of them. He knows he should delete them off his phone but he can’t bring himself too. He feels pathetic every time he looks at them. 

A little over a month after they get back from winter break Lardo has her junior art show. He’s seen some of Lardo’s work before, mostly just pictures she took. He knows she’s been up to all hours of the night working on them and last night she even got Shitty to stay up and help her assemble some stuff. 

Everyone gets dressed up in their nicest clothes. He thinks he’s never seen Shitty with so much clothes on. Jack’s wearing this shirt that looks so good Bitty wants to hate him a little bit. Jack’s also got his fancy camera that he bought for his photography class and he's been taking pictures all night. 

“Can I see?” Bitty asks, trying to look over Jack’s arm. Jack nods and he goes through some of the photo’s from this evening. Bitty doesn’t really know anything about photography but he thinks there good. 

“Those are really good Jack,” Bitty says. 

Jack smiles, a flush high on his; “thanks Bittle.” 

They wander around a little bit more, Jack climbs into this fuzzy pink thing which he thinks is an abstract vagina. Holster trying to convince them to check out the open bar when he overhears that Shitty got into Harvard. 

Everyone descends upon Shitty all at once. Out of the corner of his eye he see’s Lardo push past everyone and head outside. After Bitty’s said his proper congratulations he followers her out. 

She’s sitting out on the back stairwell wiping tears from her eyes. Her eyeliners all blurred and her face is red. 

“What's the matter?” Bitty asks sitting down next her and wrapping his arm around her shoulders. 

“It just feels so real now, that he’s graduating,” Lardo says, wiping more tears from her eyes. 

“It’ll be okay,” Bitty says, pulling her closer; “you’ll both be able to still see each other. It’s not goodbye for forever.”

“It’s going to be so different though,” Lardo wipes her nose are her sleeve. Bitty nods, letting her rest her head on his shoulder. They sit their for awhile, Lardo’s sniffling slowly becoming less and less. 

“I think Jack’s my soulmate.” 

“What?” Lardo says, pulling her head from his shoulder, eyes wide with surprise; “did he say something to you?” 

“No,” Bitty says shaking his head; “there's just this feeling and I think thats what it is.” 

“Oh Bits!” Lardo says, throwing her arms around him, pulling him close against her. He’s crying now, silent but with tears running down his cheeks. 

“Do you think I’m being stupid,” He asks, wiping the tears from his cheeks. 

“Not at all,” Lardo rubs his back soothingly. He sighs, they sit outside for a while. No one comes outside, even looking for them. After a while when the tears have faded and they don’t look quite like they were crying they head back inside. 

Jack seems to materialize at his side, concern written all over his face; “She okay?” 

Bitty nods; “It’s hard. It’s going to be hard.” 

“Yeah,” Jack says, eyes unfocused; “It is.” 

 

***

 

The closer they get to playoffs the more time the team spends on the road. His checking practices with Jack start to become less and less frequent. He’s improved a lot since the beginning of the year and it’s mostly Jack’s doing. 

On a Sunday morning Jack comes and wakes him up bright and early. Usually him and Jack talk about whether or not their doing checking practice the night before, but it must have slipped his mind. Bitty feels out of it, eyes all bleary. He must look as bad as he’s feeling because Jack gives him a gentle laugh and lets him trail behind him on their way to fabor. It’s still cold out and Bitty want to pinch himself for forgetting an extra jacket. 

Their warming up on the ice, Bitty’s skating little circles around Jack. They race back and forth two times and Bitty wins both times. 

It’s nice hanging out with Jack, it’s easy to forget he’ll be leaving soon. Tomorrow they play their last game together, they’ll probably never be on the ice together again. 

“Bittle,” Jack says, skating right next to him; “I just want you to know I’ve had a really good time this year, with everything--it’s been good playing with you.” He stumbles through his words, Bitty smiles up at him. Or at least he hopes that’s what it comes out as. 

 

“It’s been good playing with you too Jack,” Bitty says, trying to sound chipper. Jack smiles down at hims, and Bitty hates how much he loves the playoff beard. He’s imagining Jack doing things to him and how that playoff beard would feel and Bitty now definitely needs a cold shower. 

The next day everything's clicking on the ice until suddenly it’s not. Maybe it’s not them, maybe the other team just had a little extra to give. It all feels like it’s happening too fast, but now blue and white confetti falling from the ceiling. They're barely even off the ice and Chowder already got tears running down his face. 

Bitty sits down, strips off his padding. Most of the guys are still in the locker room but Jack’s seem to have disappeared.   
He rushes out of the locker room, past the people cleaning up the confetti and down one of the back hallways. He almost passes it, Jack’s jersey laying on a few boxes. He sees Jack immediately when he enters the room. He’s sitting on a couple crates, back towards Bitty. 

When he turns that’s when Bitty’s heart really breaks. He’s got tears in his eyes threatening to spill over, his cheeks are flushed. 

Bitty’s not sure what else to do so he goes to Jack, wrapping his arms around his broad shoulder. Jack doesn’t lean into him, barely even acknowledges that he’s there. His eyes are cast down, refusing to meet Bitty’s. They sit in silence, Bitty lets the tears fall and he’s sure Jack’s doing the same.

“We should go shower,” Bitty keeps his voice soft, like he’s talking to a scared animal. Jack nods and follows him back to the locker room. 

Most of they guys have already left, probably back to the Haus. Lardo and Shitty are still there and give Bitty a concerned look when him and Jack come in. Bitty shakes his head, and they let both of them retreat to the showers. 

Bitty finishes quickly because he really just want to go home and curl under his comforter. He waits in the locker room with Shitty and Lardo for Jack. Lardo wrapps her arms around his shoulders pulling hims close and Shitty pats him on the back. 

When Jack finally comes out of the showers they all go back to the Haus together. It's a solemn affair, Ransom and Holster seemed to have already retreated to their room and a few of the frogs are in the living room looking miserable. They pass right by them trudging up the stairs. 

“Bittle,” Jack says standing in front of his door; “I’m going to watch something, you can come if you want.” 

Bitty must have this wide eyed looked because Lardo smiles at him. Jack doesn’t open up to anyone beside Shitty, tries not to be seen when he’s vulnerable. Forever imprinted in his mind is Jack slamming the door closed the day Kent showed up. He’s not sure where the sudden change in heart came from but he’s sure not going to say no. 

He goes into his room, toeing off his shoes. He grabs his comforter, wrapping it around his shoulders like a cape. For a minute he debates whether or not to bring Senor Bunny with him, in the end he decided against. He’s sure he’ll be snuggling up with him later. 

Jack already curled up in his bed when Bitty gets in there, computer on his lap. Bitty comes and sits beside Jack, stretching his legs out. He leaves a buffer space between them but Jack seems to have other plans. He wrapps his arm around Bitty’s shoulder so he had no option but to tip into him. It’s nice, Jacks like a very warm wall pressed up against him. 

“You want some comforter?” Bitty asks and Jack nods, apparently going back to the nonverbal world which Bitty’s pretty okay with. It’s still tucked in between his back and the bed but Jack somehow is able to pull it all the way across his chest. It ends up tucked right against the bottom of Bitty’s chin. 

Jack doesn’t ask him what he wants to watch, which he is more than fine with. He doesn’t feel like making any decisions right now. It’s some history documentary, which seems to be Jack’s brand of comfort food. Bitty’s not really focused on the documentary, instead he’s paying attention how warm he feels pressed up against Jack. He can’t remember the last time he felt this warm, this content. 

He must have fallen asleep because when he wakes up he’s slid farther down the bed. His face is now pressed into the side of jack’s stomach and the pillows resting awkwardly under his head. He struggles to sit up, his arms still weak with sleep. 

“Hey, you fell asleep,” Jack says, he’s still got the computer on his lap though it doesn’t look like the same documentary. 

“What time is it?” Bitty asks, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes. Waking up next to Jack is disoriented in the best and worst ways. 

“A little after one,” Jack says, pulling his eyes away from the documentary took look at Bitty. There's softness in his gaze and Bitty knows he has to get out. He’s not suppose to be here, wrapped up under his comforter with Jack, feeling warm and happy. He pulls himself away from Jack’s side, and something about it makes his heart hurt. 

“Oh wow! I should really head back to my room, overstayed my welcome,” He gathers up his comforter in a big bunch in his arms. 

“Oh, okay,” Jack says, but what really hits Bitty is he sounds sort of disappointed. Bitty pushes back any thoughts that some with that. 

“Goodnight Jack,” Bitty says, already halfway out the door. 

“Goodnight,” Jack says, accent especially french and it takes all of Bitty’s self control not to curl back in bed with Jack. 

He gets in his own bed, and pulls Senor Bunny close to him. He knows being with Jack like that’s only going to make him unhappy. For all the parts of Bitty that want to believe that him and Jack are soulmates, are meant to be together, there’s an equal part telling him he’s imagining things. That he’s conjuring up his desires and slotting them into real life situations. That the disappointment in Jack’s voice wasn’t because he didn’t want him to ever leave. 

 

***

 

Betsy brakes on a Saturday. His day had already been pretty tough, there was no way to pretend that Jack and Shitty weren’t leaving soon and now this. Betsy had been on the fritz for a while but he’d hoped she’d at least last till summer. It seems like he can’t get an ounce of good luck. 

Dex tries his best to fix Betsy but in the end she’d do better in a dump than a kitchen. Shitty makes them hold a funeral for Betsy which involves a lot of beer and nothing that really relates to funeral. The next day Ransom and Holster drive her to the dump. 

His birthday’s rapidly approaching. He’s always liked the ideas of birthdays but his never seem to pan out the way he wants them to. He’s also gone a whole week and a half without baking and it’s starting to drive him crazy. 

On his birthday everyone seem to be taking shifts keeping him from going to the Haus. He knows Shitty a big birthday enthusiasts so he’s not surprised he’s planning something but he just doesn’t understand why he can’t go to the Haus all day. Lardo and him end up having a super painful study session at the library and then spend another hour doing basically nothing at Annies. 

They run into Jack when Lardo and Chowder are walking him to his next class and Jacks forgotten his birthday. He looked at Bitty like it didn’t even occur to him that Bitty could have a birthday. He wants to punch Jack in his stupidly beautiful face. 

Finally after his class gets out he’s allowed to go back to the Haus. Bitty’s pretty exhausted and part of him wants to just curl up in bed and watch some netflix.   
From the excitement that’s coming from Chowder and Nursery as the walk him home he’s guessing he’s not going to be able to do that.   
Before they go inside Nursey confiscates his phone because apparently what’s about to happen next needs to be tweeted. Bitty can’t decide if that’s a very good or a very bad sign. 

They lead him into the kitchen and there it is, a beautiful new oven. Immediately he breaks into tears because this is so much better than any birthday he’s ever had before. 

He stumbles through his words and eventually is able to declare that he needs to bake something ‘right this seconds.’ Most of the guys clear out after that and by the time he got a pie baking in the oven the tears have stopped. 

He ventures out into the living room while his pie is baking because unlike with Betsy he doesn’t have to watch his pie to make sure it doesn’t catch on fire. He sees Lardo, Shitty and Jack standing by the stairs. He pushes through the crowd to get to them. 

“Enjoying the new oven Bits,” Shitty says, taking a drink of his beer. He cut his flow and sometimes Bitty doesn’t register who he is at first. 

“I can’t believe you’ll did this for me...it’s so nice.. And ovens are so expensive…” He can feels himself begin to ramble. 

“That was all Jackie Z,” Shitty says nudging Jack with his elbow; “used his signing bonus.”

At that moment BItty sort of loses all control over his own body and throws himself at Jack. The tears are back and Jack wrapps his arms around him. 

“I can’t believe you used your signing bonus to buy me an oven,” Bitty says while trying to wipe the tears away; “I thought you’d forgot my birthday.” 

“I’d never forget you birthday Bittle,” Jack says smiling down at him. Bitty smiles back up at him and it feels like the most perfect moment ever. 

 

***

 

The weeks leading up to graduation are a whirlwind. But here they all are, having Bad Bob Zimmermann take family style portraits of all of them. Bitty can still feel the warmth of Jack’s jacket from a couple nights ago when they all fell asleep on the rooftop of Fabor. 

Ransom and Holster leave right after the last of the pictures, apparently their driving to Canada together. Lardo gone off with Shitty’s family to a late lunch which he informed her was part of her ‘official soulmate duty’. Which just leave him and Jack on the quad. 

He lets himself be selfish one last time, lets himself believe just for a minute he’s going to tell Jack. 

He doesn’t though. Instead he lets Jack bend down so Bitty can wrap his arms around his shoulders and Jack’s big hands almost completely cover his back. Too soon he’s pulling away and saying something stupid about seeing Jack on TV, running the tie he helped Jack pick out through his fingers. Then he’s off, leaving before he can’t keep the tears in anymore, makes a fool out of himself. 

When he makes it back to the Haus that’s when the tears really start to fall. He puts his headphones in but nothing really seems to help. So he lets the tears fall, venturing into Jack’s room- Chowders room. Of course there's cloths half unpacked so he starts folding them up, doing nice simple work. He wishes he had enough time to bake a pie. 

His shuttles going to come soon and he knows he should go finish getting his stuff together but it all feels to finial. 

“Bittle!” He thinks he’s brought his fantasies to life because he turns around and Jack’s standing right there saying his name. He rips his headphones out of his ears. 

“Oh my goodness- why are you--is everything alright? You’re out of breath! You could have texted--” 

Jack cuts him off with a “Bitty.” He never calls him Bitty and it takes him brain a moment to catch up to the situation. Jack’s got his hand on Bitty’s lower back and they other one against his cheek and just kisses him. 

Bitty’s never kissed anyone before and he hopes he’s doing okay because his brains sort of short circuited. His mind goes blissfully blank for a minute and then 

Jack’s pulling away from him. He finally opens his eyes because on some off chance this was a fantasy he wanted to live in it for as long as possible. But it's not and Jack’s standing right in front of him glaring down at his phone. 

“My phone--I have to go--” Jack says pulling away from him and Bitty doesn’t want to let go, not until Jack says it. 

“Okay,” he says though, just to say anything so he doesn’t leave quite so soon. 

“I’m you--you're my soulmate. I’m sorry I have to go. That I waited so long,” Jack’s already pressing his lips against Bitty’s again. His phone buzzes again and he’s pulling away. 

“I’ll text you, okay.” Jack’s already heading out the door, Bitty wants to be pulled back into his arms. 

“Okay,” Bitty says and Jack’s gone, almost like it never happened. 

He sits for a while in Chowder’s room, completely stunned. He goes through the rest of his day like that, stunned with a big grin on his face. The lady sitting next to him on the airplane gives him a strange look. 

He doesn't care because Jack Zimmermann’s his soulmate. It feels like the last two years of waiting have payed off because now he gets to spend the rest of his life with Jack. It’s all not some stupid fantasy that he made up but real life. 

His mother meets him at the airport, wrapping him tightly in her embrace. 

“Dicky it’s so good to see you,” She’s smiling at him, “Honey, you look so happy.” 

He’s putting his suitcase in the trunk and climbing into the passenger seat beside her. When she starts up the car the radios set to one of those country stations he can’t stand. It doesn’t bother him this time. 

“I’ve got some exciting news Mama,” He says and he’s nervous suddenly. He knows his mama loves him but he wonders if this will be too much for her. For years he’s wondered what it would be like to tell her and now it’s finally happening. His stomach turning and it’s not just from the bumpy road. 

“What is is?” She asks, smile still on her face. 

“I met my soulmate Mama,” His mother gasps; “It’s Jack. Please don’t hate me.” 

“Oh Dicky! I don’t hate you sweetheart. I could never hate you! I’m so happy for you.” 

If they weren’t in a car he would definitely be huggin her right now. Most of the nerves have disappeared because her opinion was really the only one he ever cared about. 

“I don’t know if I’m ready to tell coach,” he says fiddling with his phone. 

His mama sighs, “You know I don’t like secrets but I understand what you're thinking, he’s not always the most understanding man. Just don’t wait too long. The longer a secrets kept the more it hurt.” 

He nods, he knows how much a secret can hurt, weigh down on you; “I won’t Mama, I promise.” 

“I’m so happy for you,” She says reaching over and squeezing his hand. 

 

***

 

Jack’s coming to Georgia and he still hasn’t told his father. 

He’s excited for Jack to be here, to be able to touch him, hold him, kiss him. They've been texting all summer long but it’s not the same. Beside from the fact that Jack’s sort of a horrible texter and their skype session are horrifically blurry; the distance between them seems so present. 

He knows he won't be able to hide it once Jack’s here. His father may be ignorant but he’s not stupid. When him and Jack are together it’s so obvious their soulmates, it’s all right there. There's no hiding the ease that exists between them. 

Jack’s flight doesn’t come in until late in the evening and he knows he should tell his father. Every time he’s about tell him he chickens out, can’t bring himself to do it. 

He borrows the old Honda civic that makes this terrible rattling sound anytime it’s on the freeway. The airport is an hour away and his hands are practically shaking with excitement. He gets there early enough where he has time to park the car and go wait by baggage claim. 

He’s so happy that Jack’s going to be here but part of him is angry. He thinks he has a right to be angry with Jack. He knew the minute he met Bitty that they were soulmates and it took him almost two years to tell him. All those times he wanted to break down in tears because he felt so unwanted were Jack’s fault. 

They haven’t talked about beyond agreeing they’d wait to do it in person. They've kept their conversation light and flirty which Bitty’s fine with. He scared what kind of feelings talking about it’s going to bring up. He doesn’t want to mess anything up before it's really started. 

He looks down at his phone, the plane should have landed by now but he doesn’t see Jack yet. He checks twitter then goes through the team group chat. 

Chowder has posted about a thousand pictures of some whales he saw, every picture is more blurry than the last. He smiles fondly, now that Chowders living at the Haus he’ll have even more chances to mother him. 

“Bitty,” he snaps his head up and there's Jack, walking towards him, baseball cap pulled down over his hair. 

Bitty loses most of his self control then and throws himself into Jack’s arms. It’s cheesy and their sort of causing a scene but Bitty doesn’t really care. He gets his arms around Jack’s neck and he’s being lifted up and up. He can feel Jack laughing into his hair. 

“I misses you too,” Jack says, setting Bitty back down. 

“You better not be chirping me,” BItty says taking Jack’s hand in his, not that their touching he never wants to stop. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Jack says back with this little smile on his face, Bitty rolls his eyes. 

They go over to baggage claim, getting Jack’s bag before they leave. The second they get outside Jack practically melts in the Georgia heat. Bitty laughs leading   
Jack to the car. As soon as he crams Jack’s bag into the back seat he starts blasting the air conditioning. 

Jack lets him run the conversation talking about everything he’s done this summer. Even though they've been talking almost everyday it’s different doing it in person. He’s mid way through a story about a pie competition that he was in when he was thirteen when Jack wrapps his hand around Bitty’s over the gear shift. He feels himself blush and turn to look at Jack who’s giving him this soft look. It hits BItty that this is how he’d always imagined it would be, having a soulmate. 

“Jack, I have to tell you something.” 

“Humm,” Jacks looking at him, head tilted against the headrest. He wipes his thumb over Bitty’s hand in a comforting circle. 

“I haven’t told Coach yet,” Bitty says. 

“That’s okay, we can do it together,” Jack says, and Bitty nods; “It’s going to be okay. And if it’s not I’ll be there.” 

Their pulling up in front of his house and as soon as the car stops his mother's already outside. Immediately she descends upon Jack rambling on about this and that. She guides Jack inside leaving Bitty to grab his bag and follow behind them. His mom makes him take a photo of her and Jack and then one of him and Jack. 

He can clearly see Jack’s overwhelmed under his mama’s intense attention. 

Just when everything's calmed down and his Mama told them to sit at the table and wait for dinner Coach comes in. Now everyone's standing up again and Jack’s shaking Coach's hand and Bitty thinks he’s going to pass out. 

Coach sits across from them at the table and starts talking about this upcoming season of Hockey. Coach was never much of a hockey fan but apparently when he heard Jack was coming he decided to do his research. He’s asking him all sort of questions and Bitty can feel the tension building up inside. Suddenly he needs to tell him, can’t keep it in any longer. 

“Junior weren’t you telling me--” 

“Jacks my soulmate!” He sort of shouts it and it feels like the whole world stops. Everyones looking at him, frozen from his sudden outburst. 

“Junior,” He’s talking real slow; “I assumed that why Jack was coming to visit. It didn’t seem like an old team mate would come down here if you’re only friends.” 

“Oh,” Bitty says and it feels like all the tension leaving his body; “you're not mad?” 

“I know I’ve not always been easy on you junior, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide things from me, especially not something so big.” 

Bitty nods and turns to Jack and gives him a wide smile as his mother sets the food down on the table. Jack smiles back at him, resting his hand over Bitty’s. 

 

***

 

His parents are downstairs watching some show Bitty’s never even heard of so him and Jack head upstairs. His parents don’t mention anything about Jack sleeping somewhere else so he figures they're fine with Jack in his room. 

Bitty heads to the bathroom while Jack changed into pajamas in his room, then they switch. Jack’s still in the bathroom so Bitty climbs into bed, looking through twitter. He’s so distracted by twitter that he doesn’t even notice Jacks come back until the beds dipping next to him. 

“I’ve missed you so much,” and with each word there's another kiss to his face until eventually Jack reaches his lips. He drops his phone to the bed because finally there kissing. Jack’s leaning over him and Bitty lets himself sink lower into the bed, till eventually he’s laying down. There sweet kissed until Bitty reaches up and threads kiss fingers through Jack’s hair pulling slightly and suddenly there not so sweet. Jack lets out this deep groan and Bitty can’t help but moan in return. 

“Jack,” BItty wines because Jack’s sending a line of kisses down the side of his neck, “I really want to do things with you but my parents are right downstairs and if we don’t stop soon I don’t think I’ll be able to.” 

“Okay,” Jack says kissing him on his forehead and rolling off him. They lay there in silence for a minute, Jack on his stomach and BItty on his back. He watches the lights of a car flash across his ceiling. 

“I wanna do things with you too,” Jack says quietly. Bitty turns to his side and Jack does the same so now their face to face. Jack reaches over running his thumb over his cheekbone, like he did that day at the Haus; “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.”

The confession comes as a surprise to Bitty, he knows they promised they talk about it but he didn’t think it would come so soon. “I thought you didn’t want me.” 

“I’m so, so sorry,” Jack says bending forward so their foreheads are pressed together. 

“We're here now,” Bitty says now curling into Jack's chest. He fits perfectly and sighs contently. “I’ve never slept in the same bed as someone else.” 

Jack lets out a soft laugh, “what about that night after the game.” 

They haven’t talked about it and some part of Bitty almost though Jack forgot about it. It makes so much sense now why Jack wanted to be with him instead of   
Shitty. Bitty smiles against Jack’s chest. 

“I’m not sure that counted since I was the only one that fell asleep.” 

“We’ll have to make sure it counts this time.” 

 

***

 

Fourth of July passes in a blur and before he knows it he’s curled back in bed with Jack. Bitty’s laying half on Jack’s chest whose rubbing his hand across BItty’s back in big circles. 

“I wish you didn’t have to leave tomorrow,” Bitty says and it comes out muffled. His buries his nose into Jack’s shirt breathing him in. 

Jack's quiet for a minute before he says; “come with me to Providence.” 

“What?” Bitty says sitting up on his elbows. 

“Come homes with me--it’s just we're going to be apart so much because of the season and school-- I just want to make the most of the time we can have together.” 

“Okay,” Bitty says. He knows he’ll have to tell Mama and she'll be disappointed but she’ll understand. Jack’s his soulmate, he should have been spending the summers with him a long time ago. 

“Really?” Jack says, sounding surprised. Bitty nods laying his head back down against Jack’s chest, listening to the sound of his heart beating. 

The next morning over breakfast he tells him Mama he’s going home with Jack. She wrapps her arms around him, pulling him close. 

“I got more time with then I should have,” she says voice tight. She makes him promise that he’ll at least text her every day. 

He goes upstairs to pack up his things. He’d left most of his stuff up at Samwell instead of lugging it all home with him. Their flight doesn’t leave until the afternoon so Bitty takes Jack on a short tour of the town. Jack seems to enjoys all the historical facts, filling in some information he knows. Bitty distantly wonders if Jack did some research before hand. 

They arrived just in time for his Mama to drive them to the airport. It takes over an hour, the highway clogged up with traffic the closer they get to the airport. 

They're running late so his Mama doesn’t have time to park and walk them up. 

She gives Jack a rushed hug before turning to BItty, pulling him against her; “promise you call me once you there.” 

He nodded, hugging her back. He know he’ll see her soon but it feels like something's changed. He waves as they walk into the airport and she gets back into the car. 

Bitty takes Jack's hand and lets him lead the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! the next part will hopefully be posted by the end of the week. I'm thinking of maybe doing a second part that focused around Kent cause i feel like he needs a happy ending. i don't now if anyone would be interested in that.   
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated!


	4. chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His plan had always been to ask Bitty to come back with him to Providence. He wanted to make this place feel like a home with Bitty. A new chapter that includes both of them, together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!   
> sorry this took longer then i expected but life happens. I'd like to thank Rynn for editing this and making it 100% better. Also thanks to everyone thats left kudos and comments, it's already great to see how people are responding to your work.   
> enjoy this chapter! there may amor may not be a part 2 of this centered around Kent, probably be up in the next couple of weeks. for some reason i've decided i need to write him a happy ending.

Bitty falls asleep the second they get on the airplane. His face is pressed up against Jack’s shoulder so Jack tries his best not to move. There’s a business man sitting next to them who gives Jack a small smile before turning back to his computer. Luckily, Jack had gotten his book from his backpack before Bitty had fallen asleep, so he’s able to read two chapters before Bitty starts to stir.

He sits up rubbing his eyes. He’s got an impressive case of bedhead and it's so adorable Jack can’t help but give him a dopey smile. Bitty smiles back up at him, pressing his cheek to Jack’s shoulder. 

“Sorry I fell asleep on you,” Bitty says letting out a yawn. 

“You were tired, it was a long couple of days,” Jack says back, setting his book down on the tray table in front of him. 

Being in Georgia had been stressful. Being around new people always tended to put Jack on edge, but especially when it’s his soulmates parents. They had been more accepting than either of them had predicted, but they were still in Georgia. They couldn’t hold hands outside, had to keep a buffer space between them at all times, had to pretend to be just friends. So it was hard, just wanting to show everyone that Bitty’s his. That he gets to have this. 

Soon after graduation, he had talked to George about coming out. He had stressed that he wasn’t interested in being in the closet even for a little while. He didn’t want some big press conference filled to the brim with reporters. It would make him feel like he’d done something shameful; like he’d committed a crime. 

Bitty lifts his head from Jack's shoulder, fishing his phone out his jacket pocket. “How much longer’s the flight?” 

Jack takes out his phone to check the time, “Half an hour, maybe less.” 

“I’m so excited to see your house.” 

“It’s really our house,” Jack admits, feeling his cheeks heat up. “I mean...when I bought it I had you in mind.” 

Bitty’s cheeks are just as flushed as his, “You big charmer.” 

Jack smiles down at him even if he doesn't really agree. He knows he hurt Bitty by making him wait so long. He wanted to tell him, especially towards the end of the year. Graduation was his breaking point, the point when the idea of not being with Bitty was starting to hurt. In the end it had been his own selfish desires that drove him to BItty, not the need to make him happy.

He’d hurt him in other ways too. He had hated how undeserving BItty made him feel. He couldn’t picture a world where he gets this sweet southern boy and it made him bitter. So he yelled and criticized him until Jack barley knew how to stop. He could more easily understand how BItty could hate him rather then love him. He knows he could apologize a thousand times and it would never make up for all the hurt he caused Bitty. 

He reads a little bit more of his book while Bitty does something on his phone and before they know it, their plane’s landing. It’s weird to think that only a couple days ago he was boarding a plane to Georgia. Being back, it feels like so much has happened since then. 

They end up having to wait a ridiculously long time at baggage claim. Bitty’s got these two huge suitcases that weigh probably as much as he does. Jack wonders if he decided to bring his rolling pins. 

Bitty’s shivering as soon as they get outside . By Jack's standards it’s still pretty hot out, but he supposes that compared to the sweltering Georgian heat Bitty’s used to, it’s practically chilly.

“Oh Jack- really I’m okay,” Bitty says, his southern politeness getting in the way. Jack’s learned that the best thing to do is just ignore it so he practically forces Bitty’s arms through the sleeves. 

He looks a little ridiculous, though in an endearing way. Jack realized last year when they were up on Faber’s roof that he likes BItty wearing his clothes. The way the sleeves are too long and bunch up around his his arms and it hangs down past his waist. 

“I like you in my clothes,” Jacks blurts and immediately Bitty’s cheeks heat up and he splutters half-heartedly in response. “Makes you look so tiny.” 

“Rude,” Bitty says but he’s still got this little smile on his face and Jack’s ridiculously pleased with himself. 

They eventually get a cab, even though it's already dark out there's still traffic. Jack’s equal part nervous and excited for Bitty to see his apartment. His mother had helped him pick it out not long before graduation. He’d mostly chose it for the location (though the kitchen had definitely been the deciding factor.) 

They lug the two suitcases through the lobby and to the elevator. Jack decided that having an apartment would indeed be better; after living in the Haus for so long it felt weird to suddenly go live by himself. It would still be two years before Bitty could come live with him and he wasn’t quite ready to be alone. 

As soon as Bitty sees the kitchen he lets out a little gasp. Jack thinks it’s a nice kitchen or at least that's what the realtor had told him. Granite countertops and lots of cabinet space. Mostly, Jack could picture Bitty in here, baking a pie or cooking them breakfast in the early morning. 

“You like it?” Jack asks, coming up behind Bitty and wrapping him in his arms. Jack still hasn’t gotten over how warm he feels when Bitty’s in his arms. 

“It’s perfect,” Bitty replies, turning and kissing Jack on the cheek. 

As soon as Bitty turns and looks at the living room he lets out the large laugh that Jack loves; “Jack! You bought a Kitchenaid mixer but not a couch!” 

Jack smiles down at him because, well, it’s true. While he’d bought everything that he’d thought he (and Bitty, mostly Bitty) would need in a kitchen, he hadn’t really made it beyond there. All he has in the living room is a flat screen TV (a gift from his parents) and a piece of artwork (purchased from Lardo, of course.) There's a softness to the painting that makes the whole room feel calm, a swirl of light and dark blues that reminds him of the ocean. The livings rooms still unfinished, but it’s not like he’s spent a lot of time here. Only a couple weeks after graduation he’d been up in Montreal to spend some time with his family and then before he knew it he was on a flight heading down to Georgia. 

His plan had always been to ask Bitty to come back with him to Providence. He wanted to make this place feel like a home with Bitty. A new chapter that includes both of them, together. 

“I guess we can get stuff together,” Jack says. 

Bitty nods; “just promise me you at least have a bed already.” 

“Yes, I have a bed,” Jack wiggles his eyebrows at he says it. Bitty laughs but his cheeks are flushed a lovely deep pink. They haven’t really done anything besides making out but that’s fine. Jack’s okay taking it slow. He and Bitty have all the time in the world. 

They head to the bedroom next. It’s mostly occupied with the same furniture he had at Samwell; Jack hadn’t seen the point in changing it up. Two of the dresser drawers are already cleared out and there's space in the closet for Bitty to hang his clothes. He’s been imagining it all summer, probably for much longer than that. Probably since he was eighteen and had read Bitty’s name in the manila folder for the first time. 

He knows he doesn’t deserve this, not truly. He’s letting himself have this, something good. He didn’t plan out the kiss at graduation and the confession that came tumbling out with it. The feelings had been becoming more and more intense since that first day they met and it finally reached its boiling point at graduation. Suddenly, the idea of not being able to see Bitty everyday became too much to bear, and he knew he had to fix it. 

He flops down onto the bed, bouncing slightly. It’s a big bed and sleeping in it all by himself had felt lonely. He’s glad he can now curl up around Bitty in it. 

“You tired, sweetheart?” BItty ask leaning over Jack on the bed. He bends down and lands a kiss on his nose, then his cheeks, and finally his lips. Jack reaches up to cup Bitty’s jaw, running his thumb back and forth. They’re sweet, gentle kisses and Jack tries to infuse as much warmth as he possibly can into them. Too soon, though, Bitty’s pulling away, leaving one last stray kiss on Jack’s forehead. 

“Where are you going?” To his own ears Jack sounds whiny and clingy. His accent’s stronger than usual and he can hear Bitty giving him a light laugh. If Jack was less tired he’d probably chirp him about all of the “y’alls” he had heard in Georgia. 

“Just gonna unpack, get everything situated,” Bitty says. Jack knows the polite thing to do would be to offer to help but he’s just so tired. He hadn't realized how much the last couple days have wiped him out until now. So he keeps his eyes closed, listens to the sound of Bitty unzipping his suitcases and ruffling around in the closet. 

Jack must have drifted off because he startles awake to Bitty shaking his shoulder slightly. “Honey you want to get off these clothes, go put on some Pj’s?” 

He gives what he hopes looks like a nod and rolls off the bed onto the wooden floor. He grabs some Pajamas from the dresser and stumbles towards the bathroom. His eyes don’t fully open until he’s flipped the bathroom light on. He blinks a couple times, looks at his own disheveled hair in the mirror for a beat before trying to put find his toothpaste. 

From what he sees, Bitty’s already set up his things: there's a second toothbrush in the holder, different body wash in the shower, some kind of hair product on the counter. He can’t help but smile. He’d never thought he’d be so dopey with love. 

Love. As soon as he thinks it, he knows it’s true. He’s in love with Bitty, has been for a while now. Part of him wants to tell him now. Wrap Bitty up in his arms and tell him that he loves him now and always will. But Jack’s never been the first one to say “I love you,” so he has no idea how to go about doing that. 

He pulls on sweatpants and heads back into the bedroom. Bitty’s already in bed, the same pillow he had in Georgia under his head. Jack climbs in, arranging himself so they're facing each other. His head’s half on his own pillow and half on Bitty’s. Bitty smiles at Jack before tucking himself under Jack’s chin, curling their bodies together. 

Jack pulls him even closer, arms wrapped tight around Bitty and slotting one of Bitty’s legs between his. 

“I never knew you’d be so clingy,” Bitty says with a soft sigh that Jack can feel through his shirt. 

“Sorry,” Jack mumbles, pulling away from Bitty. He shouldn’t be surprised that Bitty doesn’t want him as much as Jack wants Bitty. After everything he’s done, Jack’s surprised Bitty even wants to be around him. 

“Hey, no,” Bitty says, following Jack as he tries to pull away; “I like that you're clingy. I want to be clingy too.” 

A warm feeling burns through his chest and he pulls Bitty back to him. He combs through his soft hair, running his fingers against the shorter, fuzzy sides. He can still remember when Bitty came back from summer vacation with the new haircut and Jack had to avoid him for a week because he was so worried about kissing him. Now he gets to be clingy and kiss Bitty as much as they want. 

He’s surprised he didn’t spot it earlier, but sitting on the nightstand is a stuffed rabbit. He looks familiar and Jack thinks he’s seen him before in Bitty’s room. He reaches past Bitty, rolling a little on top of him to reach the stuffed rabbit.

“What's your bunny’s name, Bitty?” Jack asks. Bitty groans and rolls away from him so his face is smashed into the pillow. Jack chuckles, propping the rabbit up against the pillow between them. “Come on, Bits, you have to introduce me.” 

“Stop,’ Bitty whines, rolling onto his back; “you're making fun of me.” 

“I’m not! I think it’s cute,” Jack says, leaning over Bitty. 

“Señor Bunny.” It comes out grumbled and Bitty rolls back into Jack’s chest as he says it, squashing Señor Bunny under his head. Jack is able to pry him free and set him on top of the pillow so he’s resting against the headboard. 

“I like Señor Bunny,” Jack says. He can feel Bitty smile against his chest. He lets his eyes drift closed and ends up falling asleep to the sound of Bitty’s muffled snores.

 

***

 

Jack likes the guys on the team. It isn’t like Samwell, which he thinks he’s okay with. He had known it would be different—he didn’t think it was possible for anything to be like Samwell. But it’s certainly not bad, it’s really better than he ever expected. 

He’s walking to his car having just finished a rigorous practice when he hears someone approaching. He turns to see Alexander Filippov jogging to catch up with him. He’s one of the younger guys on the team, only twenty-one, but he was drafted when he was only eighteen. Most people called him Flipper, because apparently during his first game he checked someone so hard they flipped over. Or that he has a habit of flipping people off. Whichever. He’s a couple inches taller than Jack and still has a strong Russian accent. 

“Zimmboni, would you like to come to house, my wife cooking noodles,” he says as he catches up to Jack. He gives Jack a big smile before throwing his arm over his shoulder. “You can bring your girl if you want.’ 

"Oh,” Jack says because all he can think is “my girl.” He hasn’t talked about it, who is soulmate is, besides telling them he was going to Georgia to visit them. Now he knows that he has no choice, that he has to say something. Even though he had always planned to be out, he can feel the nervous sludge of his anxiety bubbling up. 

“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.” 

“No...no, I’ll come. I’ll bring my boy with me if that’s okay,” he says carefully, trying not to emphasize the “my boy” part. Flipper doesn’t even seem to give it a second thought and the relief washes over Jack in waves. 

“You can come too, Beans!” Flipper calls over to Ethan. He’s the guy who lives in the same apartment as Jack and they carpool to and from practices. He’d gotten the nickname when one of the guys learned that his last name, Bancroft, has something to do with beans. Ethan seems more endeared then annoyed by it, though he’s a pretty solemn dude so Jack can’t really tell. 

“Sure,” Ethan says, waving goodbye at Flipper who parts with them to head to his car. Him and Ethan head towards his car. It’s new and energy efficient, he supposes that what he gets from taking Shitty shopping with him. He starts it up, playing the oldies radio station that they had set it to this morning. Though Bitty always complains about his old man music, Ethan seems to enjoy it. 

“I didn’t know you were gay,” Ethan says slowly after a couple minutes. Jack starts, turning to look at him. Ethan has his eyes facing straight in front of him, not meeting Jack gaze. 

“Do you have a problem with that,” Jack replies slowly, not really a question. He’d always known this could happen, but he’d thought it would take longer. 

“What! No! I just didn’t know. Not that you don’t...I mean—I just didn’t know anyone who’s… never mind...I was just surprised,” Ethan stumbles over his words, looking slightly panicked; “Sorry.” 

Jack thinks he knows what’s happening, he’s been here before. He doesn’t say anything, letting the music make all the noise. He ends up inviting Ethan up to his apartment since they might as well carpool over to Flipper’s house. 

“Bits,” he calls as he unlocks the door, “I’m home.” 

“Hey!” Bitty says coming out of the kitchen. As soon as he sees Ethan he gives Jack this look, and he knows Bitty will have a word or two to say about the unexpected guest. 

“Hi, I’m Ethan,” he says, reaching out a hand to shake that Bitty accepts. 

“It’s nice to meet you, I’m Bitty,” Bitty greets, polite as ever. “I would say take a seat anywhere but we don't really have any furniture.” 

“It’s okay,” Ethan says, coming into the kitchen and leaning against the counter. Jack goes and stands next to him, watching Bitty fiddle with the pie he’s working on. 

“Flipper invited us to go over to his house for lunch.” 

“What!” Bitty jumps, turning to face them. “And you didn’t think to call ahead so I could get ready when you got here.” 

“You look fine,” Jack says because most of the time he thinks Bitty looks fine. More than fine. Actually, if Ethan wasn’t here right now, he’d probably be trying to convince Bitty to take a shower with him. 

Bitty rolls his eyes in exasperation before drawling, “I’m wearing sweatpants,” like it’s obvious. 

Jack shrugs and Bitty sighs dramatically before heading towards their bedroom. Jack heads to the fridge, offering Ethan a water before getting one for himself. It’s not long before Bitty comes back, wearing a blue shirt Jack just adores and hair fully styled. He spends another couple minutes fretting over if he should bring a pie before finally deciding on the blueberry one he made this morning. 

He can feel the nerves radiating off of Bitty as they climb into the car. It’s the first time he’s met any teammates and now it's two in one day. With Ethan it was at least in their own home but now they’re going into unknown territory. Jack reaches across the center console and wraps his hand around Bitty’s knee. Bitty gives him a tight-lipped grin, interlocking their fingers together. 

In the end, neither of them had anything to worry about. Flipper is completely charmed by Bitty’s accent and devours the pie in two minutes flat. His wife, Vera, watches all the same shows that Bitty does and they end up gossiping in the kitchen. Before they know it, it’s getting dark out and they're heading back home. 

“Goodbye Itty Bitty, goodbye Beans, goodbye Zimmboni!” Flipper says, waving from the porch, “Bring more pie!” 

Soon after that, Bitty meets all the team. A few day later, he picks Jack up from practice and brings mini pies that disappear in five seconds. After that, Bitty becomes a regular figure in his hockey life. Bitty joins the team for lunch, talks to their kids, and bakes so many things for them that the Falconer’s nutritionist sends a strongly worded e-mail. 

They do eventually go furniture shopping so they can start inviting people over. Mostly it’s just Jack following Bitty around from store to store, only putting in his input when prompted. Jack’s fine with that; he doesn’t really care. More than anything he just wants it to feel like his and Bitty’s home, not just his. 

All too soon, the summer’s coming to an end. Tomorrow he’ll help Bitty pack up his stuff before driving him to Samwell. He can’t even imagine what it’ll be like not having Bitty here with him. The idea of being away from him makes his throat feel like it’s closing up. 

When he gets into their bedroom, Bitty’s in bed curled up into a small ball with Señor Bunny against his chest. Jack climbs next to him, pulling him as close as he can. 

“I’m going to miss you so much, Jack,” Bitty sniffles. Jack knows that if he sees Bitty crying he won't be able to hold it in. 

“I’m going to miss you so much too,” he says softly, snuggling down in the bed so they can see eye to eye “I’ll come to visit in a couple weeks, and before you know it, it’ll be summer again and we can see each other every day.”

“It feels so far away,” Bitty murmurs. 

“I know,” Jack agrees, poking at Bitty until he lays on his back. After that Jack rests his head on his chest, lying half on top of him. The first time they did this, he spent the whole time worrying he was squishing Bitty under his weight. Instead, Bitty had told him he liked the weight, the pressure. 

Jack lets his eyes close before whispering, “I’m so sorry I didn't tell you before. We could have had so much more time.” 

For a while Bitty is quiet, running his hands through Jack's hair. When he speaks, he sounds contemplative but sure, “I’m not mad, Jack. I think if you had told me earlier we would have just ended up hurting each other. Lord, I was only thirteen when you found out. I wouldn’t have been able to take care of you. I think you waited ‘til we were both ready.” 

Jack sits up then, bracing himself over Bitty, “I’m still sorry.” 

“You have nothing to be sorry for, sweetheart. We’re here now, together and that’s all that matters,” Bitty says, his voice filled with softness, “you don’t have to be sorry.” 

“Okay,” Jack says, laying his head back down. He knows this is the perfect moment to tell Bitty that he loves him. Tell him how much he means to him. He sits back up to do just that...but Bitty’s already asleep, snoring softly and drooling a little bit. Jack curls back around Bitty and lets himself drift off. 

The next day goes by in a whirlwind. Bitty gets up and makes them both breakfast before Jack heads off to practice. By the time he’s back, Bitty’s already packed up most of his things. After lunch, they load up the car and start the drive to Samwell. Bitty keeps giving him these sad looks that Jack can barely take. 

He helps Bitty make his bed and put his clothes away, pretending not to notice that Bitty stole one of his flannels. If he’d asked, Jack definitely would have let him have it. In a dream world he’d be able to stay here with Bitty for at least one night but, of course, he’s got practice in the morning. 

So he stands on the front porch and holds Bitty close to his chest. He dutifully doesn’t draw attention to Bitty’s quivering lip as he cups his face and kisses him long and sweet. 

“There’s something I have to give you,” Jacks says, leaning into his car through the passenger door. With a flutter in his chest, he takes the manila folder out of the dashboard compartment. This morning he hadn’t understood why he’d packed it, but now it makes perfect sense. It’s evidence of how much Bitty means to him. 

“What is this?” Bitty asks, opening the folder. As soon as he catches sight of what’s in it, he looks up at Jack, shocked. 

“I just want you to know...how much you mean to me. I just...I love you...that's not going to change,” Jack finds himself stumbling through words that felt so clear in his head. 

Bitty wraps his arms around Jack’s neck, “I love you too. Thank you.” 

He kisses Bitty again, promises to call him when he gets home, and slowly gets in the car. As he’s driving away, he sees Bitty still standing on the front porch of the Haus waving goodbye, folder clutched close to his chest. 

 

***

 

Jack falls into a pattern. He’s always liked routine, it makes everything easier. He plays hockey, skypes Bitty every night, hangs out with Ethan and Flipper a lot. He goes over to Peterson’s house and lets his three daughters use him like a human jungle gym. He keeps it simple, tries to visit Bitty as much as possible or has him come to Providence. 

He’d been resolutely ignoring the fact that they're going to have to play the Aces until the day itself arrives. He’s had it marked on his calendar for months, nervously waiting. Originally, he had hoped that Bitty would be able to come to the game but the Samwell team’s on a three day long roadie. Shitty had offered to come down, but he knew that wasn’t a good idea. He’d seen Kent and Shitty mix before and it wasn’t a good concoction. 

Ethan is unusually twitchy when they carpool that day. He likes Ethan a lot. They’re good friends, but not in the same way he and Shitty are. If anything, he reminds Jack of Lardo. He’s quiet—almost sullen—but sometimes he gets a glint in his eyes and Jack knows there's a good chirp coming. Most of the time they just watch a lot of TV together and don’t talk. It’s nice to have someone around when Bitty can’t be. He’s not sure what Ethan's soulmate situation is, but it seems like he needs someone to hang out with too. 

“You nervous?” Jack asks and it seems to startle Ethan. He looks over at Jack like he’s asked him something much more invasive. 

“The Aces are good.” Ethan says back. Jack knows it’s more than that but he doesn’t push it. Sometimes Jack forgets how young Ethan is, four years younger than him. He looks very young right now. 

Jack’s nervous too. 

He doesn’t see Kent before the game. He’s not sure if that was a good thing because when he sees him on the ice it’s like a punch in the gut. He plays well though; he always plays well when it’s him and Kent on the ice. He hates that. On the ice it feels so natural to forget that they aren’t on the same team anymore. He almost passes the puck to Kent twice.

He has to do lots of press after. He’d asked George if there was a way to get out of it but he knew there wasn’t. They’re vicious tonight, talking about the overdose more than they ever have. By the end of it, all he wants to do is wrap himself in his comforter and call Bitty. Of course life's not that simple. 

He bumps into Kent as soon as he starts walking to his car, where Ethan’s already waiting for him. Kent acts like it’s just coincidence, but Jack’s pretty sure Kent had been waiting for him. 

“Hey, Zimms,” Kent calls, walking up to him. 

“Kent.” Jack almost calls him Kenny, feeling a little out of control. 

“I’m not here to attack you, Zimms. I just have something I want to talk to you about,” Kent says. Jack finally brings himself to look at him and Kenny looks so tired. He looks older than Jack. Much older. 

“Okay.” 

Kent rides with them, sitting in the passenger seat. For a second Jack almost feels like he’s eighteen again, but he shakes off the feeling as soon as it comes. Kent introduces himself to Ethan, who's sitting in the backseat. Ethan sort of looks like he wants to die on the spot. 

They don’t talk at all in the car, and the tension’s heavy in the air. As soon as he parks, Ethan's practically running away from them. Jack can’t really blame him. He wouldn’t want to be stuck between him and Kent either. He leads Kent up to his apartment, unceremoniously slamming the door behind them. 

“What do you want, Kent,” Jack says, walking into the living room and sinking down on the couch. He moves the pretty throw pillows that Bitty chose out of the way. Kent hovers for a minute before going to sit in the armchair. 

“It’s just...my contract’s coming up and I—well, I was thinking of joining the Falconer-” 

“Kenny!” Jack interjects, because his world feels like it's closing up a little. 

“No, Zimms, listen—if you don’t want me to, I won't. I just, I want to play with you again. We’re good on the ice, we always have been,” Kent manages. He looks more nervous than Jack’s ever seen him. 

“I can’t be with you. I’m with Bitty.” 

“What? No, Jack—that's not what I mean...my soulmate—I messed up and I just,” Kent looks sad and Jack almost wants to give him a hug; “I don’t know if your mom told you but my sister and mom are both in Boston. I just can’t be so far away anymore...I’m so lonely.” 

The admission comes as a surprise to Jack. After that he knows he can’t say no, not really. He’s dreamed before about playing with Kent before and this seems like the time. 

“It can’t be like before, okay. It has to be different.” 

Kent nods; “I know. I know. I’m sorry about what I said last year, I didn’t mean it. I was being an asshole ‘cause of my own shit. I’m sorry.” 

Jack nods before offering the one thing he’s been conditioned to offer distraught guests, “You want pie?” 

Kent laughs, looking a little bit more like the Kent Jack used to know. “Your boy make it?” 

Jack nods, goes to the fridge, and cuts two large slices. He’d gone and visited Bitty a couple of days ago. He hadn’t really had time but he’d been feeling antsy. Bitty had made him an apple pie which he ate about a fourth of on the spot. That night, when he’d curled around Bitty, his hair had smelled like apple pie too. 

Jack watches Kent devour the pie and somehow manages to eat his slower. They joke a little, keeping it light. It doesn’t feel like before, but it feels like maybe some sort of future.

It’s late when Kent finally calls a cab for himself, and Jack walks him down to the lobby. 

“I want to play with you too, Kenny,” Jack finally says. They’re standing outside and for once, even Jack’s Canadian blood longs for one of his thicker coats. 

“You can think about it more if you want,” Kent says. He’s smiling though. 

“No, I’m sure.”

The cab comes and Jack watches until the cab disappears down the street. Once he’s back in his apartment, he calls Bitty but it goes right to voicemail, signaling that he’s already gone to bed. There's a few text from Bitty, saying how proud he is of Jack, how good the game was. He smiles, plugs in his phone, and lays it on the nightstand. 

He knows in the morning he’ll call Bitty, tell him the news. He’s surprisingly calm, he thought tonight would go worse. Instead, it feels like everything's been wrapped up in a neat package. He knows it’s not perfect but he’s okay with it just being good. 

 

***

 

The Falconers don’t win and neither does Samwell. The news comes that Kent Parson will be switching to the Providence Falconers the day after they're eliminated.   
The Aces are already out, having played a good season but not enough to make it to the end. A lot of people speculate that that's why he’s leaving the Aces but Jack knows the truth. 

He attends graduation. It’s a sweet, sunshiney affair. Shitty comes too and gets very teary eyed. Jack knows him and Lardo had some rough patches during the last year but it seems like they've worked it out. They're moving into an apartment in Boston together. 

Bitty drives back to Providence with him that afternoon. He’s spending almost the whole summer with Jack and Bitty’s practically bouncing in his seat with excitement. By the time they get there, it’s almost dark out, and Jack convinces Bitty that they can get take-out. They eat on the couch while watching reruns of Breaking Bad. 

They end up going to bed early, Bitty wearing his old Samwell shirt. They press close together. They’ve been so busy lately that it’s just nice to be close. Jack presses his nose into the top of Bitty’s head and breaths in. 

“You smell good,” Jack whispers and Bitty laughs. 

Jack smiles too, wrapped up in Bitty. 

It’s so easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Comments and Kudos are always appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> This is part 1 of 3 and i've already started the next chapter so most likely it will be up in about a week. This chapter if from Jack's perspective the next one will switch to Bitty's. Thanks to much for reading, hope you enjoyed!


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